We are around eight hours from a new year. Crazy to think this came so quickly. Sometimes it feels we just started this year as we already begin another.
What a crazy year, but I have learned some important things. So, 2011, here's to:
*A better understanding of how to love God's people and love them well.
*Watching friendships grow distant, but realizing that it's okay.
*Learning the discernment to either fight for those relationships or ultimately to just let them go.
*A better understanding of what it means to have solid, God-centered relationships.
*Learning what it means to have compassion and mercy for those who don't know what it is or what it even means or don't know how to show it.
*Finding strength and courage that I never even knew I had and conquering things I never knew I could do (like low ropes courses).
*Finding and securing deep joy throughout trials and valleys.
*Realizing that in those valley moments, great lessons are learned and wisdom is gleaned.
*Rediscovering the joy of reading and writing.
*Enjoying laughter. Really enjoying laughter.
*Learning to line dance and actually enjoying it.
*Realizing I am terrible at improv, but having a blast trying it.
*Finding peace in any and all situations.
*Being myself.
*Not being afraid to take chances.
*Celebrating the lives of my family and friends.
*Knowing that every breath is a gift from God and to cherish every moment He gives me on this earth.
*Finding true happiness right where I am.
*Discovering God in new ways every single second.
*Realizing that it is worth fighting through the hard stuff to see the amazing stuff on the other side.
*Not being afraid of what the future holds for me, no matter what it looks like or how far away it takes me.
*The joy of building new friendships and strengthening old ones.
*Understanding that feeling and going through great loss produces a gentle determination to never let the sun go down again without those who are important knowing how very much they are loved.
*Understanding and accepting that I may not be as important in your life as you are in mine and knowing that is okay.
*Investing into the lives of those around me even when it is not reciprocated.
*Remembering that it is not about me.
*Realizing it is okay to cry, but knowing when to stand up, dust myself off and continue on.
*Cherishing time with my family, no matter how messed up it made seem sometimes.
*Cherishing my time with God, because without Him I am a mess.
*Being okay with being a mess. Aren't we all?
*Discovering that it is okay to let people into my messy life, but also making sure they know that I am there for them as well so we can walk through this messy life together.
*Trusting God with my future husband and enjoying this season of singleness that sometimes seems never ending.
*Being okay with being me, and knowing that God is constantly molding and shaping me into His.
*Being a child of God and being dearly loved.
Happy New Year, friends!
31 December 2011
29 December 2011
Love the way You hold me.....
I really dig this song. How can you not be happy listening to it? I do love the way that God takes each and every day and makes it special in some way. "I love You more than the words in my brain can express. I can't imagine even loving You less. Lord, I love the way You hold me."
ENJOY!! :)
28 December 2011
Just Thinking Out Loud......
This morning I was on Facebook and ran across a post in that annoying little side news feed. It was a comment a friend made to a status by Chad Ochocinco. The status was:
"I have always been afraid of losing people I love, sometimes I ask myself..what if I had no followers..r they afraid to lose me? I luv y'all."
Now, I don't really know much about this guy, other than that he is a football player, but my first reaction when I read this was, "Jesus loves you, and He misses you." My second reaction was sadness. Sadness that He might not know the love of an Almighty and amazing God. It made my heart hurt for him.
The other part of the comment that struck me was, "what if I had no followers..r they afraid to lose me?" Then I thought what if this were true of our relationship with Jesus? Are we afraid of losing Jesus? In our everyday, go about life lives, do we remember the One that provides all of it? Are we following Him with wild abandon, willing to give everything and willing to toss it all aside for a love that gave everything for us, regardless of what that looks like or the criticism that would most certainly follow? What if we let our complacency and apathy give way to complete ignorance and tolerance of something that sounds like Truth but isn't? What if, in giving in and being tolerant of all of the things that society deems acceptable but the Bible says isn't, are we slowly but surely walking away from Jesus? From His Truth? And what if that in itself doesn't even bother some people?
To me, that is a scary thought. Thinking that I would be so lost in the world that living this life without Jesus wouldn't even bother me. *SHUDDER* I don't know about you, but I need Jesus like a need my next breath. He is my next breath. Even thinking that I could live this life without Him is terrifying.
My mind is just swimming with thoughts on this whole thing. I may have to let this marinade for a few days and come back to it.
Getting back to Mr. Ochocinco. Praying for him is a good idea. I pray that God would overwhelm him with so much love that even if he didn't have "followers" that he would know the love of the Father and that is SO MUCH BETTER.
I would challenge you all to pray for those who live their lives in a very public arena. Pray for God's will to be done and for salvation for those who don't know Him. For those who do know Him, pray for strength and guidance and a resolve to live and walk this Christian life unashamed and out loud no matter what the critics and cynics say.
Pray that for everyone you know. That we are the fellowship of the unashamed and that we may walk it out boldly in confidence without fear and in Truth. That we may show grace and mercy to those who come against us. That we would have hearts open to Him and compassion for our family, friends and neighbors. That we would live in such a way that God would be glorified and honored above anything we may say or do. That His Gospel of love would spill from our lips in every circumstance and that people may see Him in the midst of their own doubts and struggles.
That our lives would be lived in such a way that we are pointing to Him and Him alone.
Ok, I think that is all I have for now. For now.
Desert Song- Hillsong
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
27 December 2011
God...Life....2012
Boy, has it been a while since I blogged anything. I tend to forget that I have a blog when life gets busy. I guess that happens, right?
We are swiftly approaching a new year. 2012. Wow. When I was a kid I could not imagine it being 2000 let alone 2012. Being born in 1978, 2012 seemed a world away. But here we are, sitting on its doorstep just about ready to ring the bell and begin a new journey into a new year.
So, how was your 2011? Mine was good. And bad. Trials and learning. Joy and sorrow. Laughter and tears. Would I do it all over again? Yes. Because of the things I learned through those trying moments, I am stepping closer and closer to God's intended purpose for my life.
How is your walk? Are you running towards Him or away from Him? Do the decisions and choices you make daily, hourly, minutely, secondly bring you to the Throne or away from it? How is your heart? Where is your heart?
Too many questions?
Possibly. But important questions nonetheless. These are questions we, as believers, are faced with every moment of every day. Some days they are easy to answer. When life is going right and things are falling into place. When your relationships are good and you have money left over at the end of the month. In those moments it can be easy to say, "yep, everything is good and God is good." Or it is easy to forget that God was even in the picture. When life is comfortable and easy, some people no longer acknowledge that God had any hand in it at all. They give themselves the glory for a job well done instead of giving the glory to God who did the job in the first place. Or they become complacent....in life, in faith, in general. Complacency is the ugly brother of apathy, and the two together are a devastating cocktail that can tear apart faith and usher in complete indifference to God or people around you. Be wary of complacency.
And then something happens. Disaster strikes. You are laid off. There's too much month at the end of the money. Relationships get tough. People walk away. Someone passes away. Life takes a different course than you thought it would, or you thought it should. What do you do then? Do you run into the Father's arms? Or do you blame Him for not being there when He has been there the whole time? Do you get angry and turn away or do you run to Him and admit that you can't do it alone and that you need His help?
He is always there for you. You know that, right? He wants nothing more than you. Not the cleaned up, pristine version of you. Not the "wait till I get my act together" version of you. He wants you. Just the way you are. Right here. Right now. You. He wants to meet you where you are at. He wants you to know of His love for you. He wants you to feel His love coursing through every part of your being as the life-giving ointment that it is. The love that surpasses knowledge and understanding. A love so potent and so real that it took nails, beatings, ridicule and crucifixion so that He could be here, with you, right now.
And He would do it all again.....just for you.
I have a brother who doesn't believe in any of this. For whatever reason, he has anger towards God and tries to discredit Him at every turn. He believes the Bible is just some old book that holds no relevance today. He doesn't believe in a God he can't see or touch. He is easily angered with me because I do believe. I know what my God can do. I know because He has done it in my own life. And if my brother is struggling this hard to disprove the existence of God, or to disprove a book that has never been proven false, I believe that God is going to do something pretty awesome and miraculous in his life. I can't wait to see it! God is churning something in him even if he doesn't realize it. For now I watch and pray. I wait to see what God's abounding love is going to do in the life of my brother, in my family. God can do immeasurably more than we can see or comprehend, and He is constantly working in and through situations in our lives for His greater glory.
Very yes.
So as 2012 begins in less than a week, think about this....where is God in your life? Do you know Him? He knows you. He knit you together. He formed you. He knows your thoughts, your actions and where your heart lies. Will you let 2012 be a carbon copy of 2011, or will you finally see that God has so much more for you and surrender to Him? I guarantee it is worth it. You will never be the same.
Happy New Year!
We are swiftly approaching a new year. 2012. Wow. When I was a kid I could not imagine it being 2000 let alone 2012. Being born in 1978, 2012 seemed a world away. But here we are, sitting on its doorstep just about ready to ring the bell and begin a new journey into a new year.
So, how was your 2011? Mine was good. And bad. Trials and learning. Joy and sorrow. Laughter and tears. Would I do it all over again? Yes. Because of the things I learned through those trying moments, I am stepping closer and closer to God's intended purpose for my life.
How is your walk? Are you running towards Him or away from Him? Do the decisions and choices you make daily, hourly, minutely, secondly bring you to the Throne or away from it? How is your heart? Where is your heart?
Too many questions?
Possibly. But important questions nonetheless. These are questions we, as believers, are faced with every moment of every day. Some days they are easy to answer. When life is going right and things are falling into place. When your relationships are good and you have money left over at the end of the month. In those moments it can be easy to say, "yep, everything is good and God is good." Or it is easy to forget that God was even in the picture. When life is comfortable and easy, some people no longer acknowledge that God had any hand in it at all. They give themselves the glory for a job well done instead of giving the glory to God who did the job in the first place. Or they become complacent....in life, in faith, in general. Complacency is the ugly brother of apathy, and the two together are a devastating cocktail that can tear apart faith and usher in complete indifference to God or people around you. Be wary of complacency.
And then something happens. Disaster strikes. You are laid off. There's too much month at the end of the money. Relationships get tough. People walk away. Someone passes away. Life takes a different course than you thought it would, or you thought it should. What do you do then? Do you run into the Father's arms? Or do you blame Him for not being there when He has been there the whole time? Do you get angry and turn away or do you run to Him and admit that you can't do it alone and that you need His help?
He is always there for you. You know that, right? He wants nothing more than you. Not the cleaned up, pristine version of you. Not the "wait till I get my act together" version of you. He wants you. Just the way you are. Right here. Right now. You. He wants to meet you where you are at. He wants you to know of His love for you. He wants you to feel His love coursing through every part of your being as the life-giving ointment that it is. The love that surpasses knowledge and understanding. A love so potent and so real that it took nails, beatings, ridicule and crucifixion so that He could be here, with you, right now.
And He would do it all again.....just for you.
I have a brother who doesn't believe in any of this. For whatever reason, he has anger towards God and tries to discredit Him at every turn. He believes the Bible is just some old book that holds no relevance today. He doesn't believe in a God he can't see or touch. He is easily angered with me because I do believe. I know what my God can do. I know because He has done it in my own life. And if my brother is struggling this hard to disprove the existence of God, or to disprove a book that has never been proven false, I believe that God is going to do something pretty awesome and miraculous in his life. I can't wait to see it! God is churning something in him even if he doesn't realize it. For now I watch and pray. I wait to see what God's abounding love is going to do in the life of my brother, in my family. God can do immeasurably more than we can see or comprehend, and He is constantly working in and through situations in our lives for His greater glory.
Very yes.
So as 2012 begins in less than a week, think about this....where is God in your life? Do you know Him? He knows you. He knit you together. He formed you. He knows your thoughts, your actions and where your heart lies. Will you let 2012 be a carbon copy of 2011, or will you finally see that God has so much more for you and surrender to Him? I guarantee it is worth it. You will never be the same.
Happy New Year!
27 September 2011
To Save A Life
Sometimes holding on can save your life. And sometimes holding on can cost you your life. Fun, right? Let me explain.
Holding on. Hanging on to things for dear life in the hopes they won't change, when they inevitably do anyways. So why hold on, right? When you know it just makes it worse and until you let it go it won't get any better. Why hold on? It's the hope that those things that have inevitably, irreversibly changed will once again go back to the same old same old. That the old familiar memories will once again come back to life and that life will go back to what it was.
How often has it ever been a good idea for things to stay the same? To never change? To be complacent? Especially in relationship. ESPECIALLY in relationship. Relationships cannot stay the same. You cannot reverse time to go back to the way things were. Things move forward. People more forward. People change. God grows you. He grows me.
Last night I came to a great revelation in my own life: let go. Seems simple, right? Not for this girl.
I hold so tightly to those things in my life that I don't want to change, all the while making things worse through action or word. The good intention is there to make it better, but that good intention is about as good as the current stock market.
Guess who I forgot in the ill-fated process of trying to control this piece of my life? God. He gets forgotten more than He should. I suppose I should get to the point of this jotting, though.
So last night I was thinking. I do that a lot. I was thinking and I was praying and I was trying to relieve this great unsettling in my spirit. Two words settled in and took root: let go.
I have heard this before, but I knew now specifically what it referred to and the death grip I had on that situation. The way I was handling it was making things worse instead of better and God was NOT being glorified. God wasn't even being acknowledged. So I acknowledged my wrongdoing in this whole mess and gave it to Him. But He wasn't done.
He didn't just want my heartfelt apology or my well-intentioned promise to try harder. He wanted EVERYTHING. I was either all in on what He was doing or I was left to my own devices to make something work that clearly was not. So I gave up. Gave in. Gave everything. Gave it over. Whoa, did that feeling in my spirit subside? Yes, it did.
I came to this: I am done fighting. I am done holding onto it. It is costing me my life in Him to hold on to stuff that is becoming idle and an idol in my life. I have put others before Him for a long time. People are my idol and that idol worship needs to stop. Why I am relying on people to be what only God can be in my life?
So begins the process of digging out of this heap of rubble and getting back to Him. Cleaning out the well (I love that..thanks Ann). Making sure that my relationships are focused ON HIM. That my thoughts and words are focused ON HIM. That my emotions are focused ON HIM. That I am not just going along with something just because it reminds me of stuff that can never be brought back. My future is HIS. I am HIS. And when I deal with the repercussions of what He is calling me to do about it now, I will deal with them in HIS timing and will and not my own. It is already starting.
So, I let go to save my life. I release these things to Him to preserve my life. Besides, His plan and purpose is WAY better than anything I could ever put together.
Here I go........
Holding on. Hanging on to things for dear life in the hopes they won't change, when they inevitably do anyways. So why hold on, right? When you know it just makes it worse and until you let it go it won't get any better. Why hold on? It's the hope that those things that have inevitably, irreversibly changed will once again go back to the same old same old. That the old familiar memories will once again come back to life and that life will go back to what it was.
How often has it ever been a good idea for things to stay the same? To never change? To be complacent? Especially in relationship. ESPECIALLY in relationship. Relationships cannot stay the same. You cannot reverse time to go back to the way things were. Things move forward. People more forward. People change. God grows you. He grows me.
Last night I came to a great revelation in my own life: let go. Seems simple, right? Not for this girl.
I hold so tightly to those things in my life that I don't want to change, all the while making things worse through action or word. The good intention is there to make it better, but that good intention is about as good as the current stock market.
Guess who I forgot in the ill-fated process of trying to control this piece of my life? God. He gets forgotten more than He should. I suppose I should get to the point of this jotting, though.
So last night I was thinking. I do that a lot. I was thinking and I was praying and I was trying to relieve this great unsettling in my spirit. Two words settled in and took root: let go.
I have heard this before, but I knew now specifically what it referred to and the death grip I had on that situation. The way I was handling it was making things worse instead of better and God was NOT being glorified. God wasn't even being acknowledged. So I acknowledged my wrongdoing in this whole mess and gave it to Him. But He wasn't done.
He didn't just want my heartfelt apology or my well-intentioned promise to try harder. He wanted EVERYTHING. I was either all in on what He was doing or I was left to my own devices to make something work that clearly was not. So I gave up. Gave in. Gave everything. Gave it over. Whoa, did that feeling in my spirit subside? Yes, it did.
I came to this: I am done fighting. I am done holding onto it. It is costing me my life in Him to hold on to stuff that is becoming idle and an idol in my life. I have put others before Him for a long time. People are my idol and that idol worship needs to stop. Why I am relying on people to be what only God can be in my life?
So begins the process of digging out of this heap of rubble and getting back to Him. Cleaning out the well (I love that..thanks Ann). Making sure that my relationships are focused ON HIM. That my thoughts and words are focused ON HIM. That my emotions are focused ON HIM. That I am not just going along with something just because it reminds me of stuff that can never be brought back. My future is HIS. I am HIS. And when I deal with the repercussions of what He is calling me to do about it now, I will deal with them in HIS timing and will and not my own. It is already starting.
So, I let go to save my life. I release these things to Him to preserve my life. Besides, His plan and purpose is WAY better than anything I could ever put together.
Here I go........
23 September 2011
22 September 2011
Love Is Not A Fight
Have you ever loved someone? I am sure everyone can say yes to that. Have you ever loved someone who doesn't love you back? Or in a way that you are used to? It's hard, isn't it? Especially when personalities clash, opinions clash, denominations clash.
It is hard to always want to love others when they don't love you back. It's easy to do when it is reciprocated, but very difficult when it is not.
I am a words person. Words of affirmation. Encouragement. It's my love language. I didn't really buy into the whole love language thing because I thought it was just another bunch of self help people who were trying to sell a bunch of books. But I took a look at it, took the test, and found out that it was a pretty accurate assessment of how I give and receive love.
Words mean very much to me. I will write and rewrite this blog several times before I publish it to make sure that the right message is coming across and that it is not misunderstood.
I love to encourage others. Nothing brings me more joy than to lift someones spirits in a day by saying something positive. Pointing out the strong traits and encouraging them to press on. It's easy for me to do so, especially towards people whom I know will be receptive to it.
What happens when they aren't? When the things you say seem to mean nothing and that love is rejected or dismissed? And by love I don't mean romantic, emotional love. I mean God's love. Agape love. What happens when you try and show God's agape love to someone who could care less if you spoke the words or not? When that e-mail never comes back? When the text message is ignored? When the phone is never answered?
You love them anyway.
God's greatest charge to His people, His church is very simple. LOVE.
"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19
I heard a saying once that said, "Love your enemies. It will drive them crazy." It sounds good, but I could see someone abusing that saying. Some people would read into that and think, "I am going to "love" that person so that I can drive them crazy and inflict more pain." I see some flaws in that statement. However, we are commanded to love others AND to love our enemies. Love when it is easy. Love when it is hard. Love when it hurts to do so. Love when it seems that it is getting you nowhere.
Love when it doesn't make any sense to do so.
I feel like that sometimes. Loving others when it makes no earthly sense to do so. When I know that it won't be reciprocated. When I feel like it mattered little to that other person for me to show them love. I love them anyway.
Love isn't a fight. It shouldn't be. If we are in the Word and walking intimately with our God, love should come as an act of worship. It should be something we want to do to bring Him honor and glory, not because it makes us look better. It is something that we should be compelled to do even when it is hard. Even when it doesn't make sense. Especially when it doesn't make sense. We love others to reflect the One who first loved us.
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." -1 John 4:12
I am preaching to the choir on this one. Sure, there are days when I don't feel so loving. There are people around me that I would rather not show love to. But, it is in those moments that love must increase all the more. I want people to see Jesus living in my heart, in my actions, in my words. When those words of affirmation need to come. When that text needs to be sent. When an e-mail is written, even when there isn't a response. When that phone call needs to be made. Even when it isn't fun or I don't want to, I do. Why?
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" -1 John 3:1b
Because He loved me first.
It is hard to always want to love others when they don't love you back. It's easy to do when it is reciprocated, but very difficult when it is not.
I am a words person. Words of affirmation. Encouragement. It's my love language. I didn't really buy into the whole love language thing because I thought it was just another bunch of self help people who were trying to sell a bunch of books. But I took a look at it, took the test, and found out that it was a pretty accurate assessment of how I give and receive love.
Words mean very much to me. I will write and rewrite this blog several times before I publish it to make sure that the right message is coming across and that it is not misunderstood.
I love to encourage others. Nothing brings me more joy than to lift someones spirits in a day by saying something positive. Pointing out the strong traits and encouraging them to press on. It's easy for me to do so, especially towards people whom I know will be receptive to it.
What happens when they aren't? When the things you say seem to mean nothing and that love is rejected or dismissed? And by love I don't mean romantic, emotional love. I mean God's love. Agape love. What happens when you try and show God's agape love to someone who could care less if you spoke the words or not? When that e-mail never comes back? When the text message is ignored? When the phone is never answered?
You love them anyway.
God's greatest charge to His people, His church is very simple. LOVE.
"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19
I heard a saying once that said, "Love your enemies. It will drive them crazy." It sounds good, but I could see someone abusing that saying. Some people would read into that and think, "I am going to "love" that person so that I can drive them crazy and inflict more pain." I see some flaws in that statement. However, we are commanded to love others AND to love our enemies. Love when it is easy. Love when it is hard. Love when it hurts to do so. Love when it seems that it is getting you nowhere.
Love when it doesn't make any sense to do so.
I feel like that sometimes. Loving others when it makes no earthly sense to do so. When I know that it won't be reciprocated. When I feel like it mattered little to that other person for me to show them love. I love them anyway.
Love isn't a fight. It shouldn't be. If we are in the Word and walking intimately with our God, love should come as an act of worship. It should be something we want to do to bring Him honor and glory, not because it makes us look better. It is something that we should be compelled to do even when it is hard. Even when it doesn't make sense. Especially when it doesn't make sense. We love others to reflect the One who first loved us.
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." -1 John 4:12
I am preaching to the choir on this one. Sure, there are days when I don't feel so loving. There are people around me that I would rather not show love to. But, it is in those moments that love must increase all the more. I want people to see Jesus living in my heart, in my actions, in my words. When those words of affirmation need to come. When that text needs to be sent. When an e-mail is written, even when there isn't a response. When that phone call needs to be made. Even when it isn't fun or I don't want to, I do. Why?
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" -1 John 3:1b
Because He loved me first.
21 September 2011
Being About God's Business
Have you ever said something that you immediately regretted? I had one of those moments last night. I made a comment that was just plain dumb. I won't divulge the comment or the conversation it came from. Just know that it was dumb and it definitely showed that my heart was not about my God's business.
I love my church. I love the people, the worship and the solid, Scriptural teaching that constantly challenges me to grow and learn. I have an awesome pastor who is not afraid to tell the Truth of things no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Since when did God want us to stay in the "comfort zone" anyway?
But last night did not reflect where my heart is suppose to be. It reflected a worldly opinion and perspective that is so detrimental and damaging to our churches today.
God wants us to be about His business. He wants us in the church, caring for His people. Shining His light. Grappling with the heart stuff so that His greater glory is revealed. He doesn't just want us to sit idly by in our pew or chair and become complacent. Since when did complacency ever accomplish anything? Really. The greatest victories have come through stepping out of the bubble and into something scary and different. Moses did it. Jonah did it. David did it. Abraham did it.
Jesus did it.
He stepped into a human form. He lived among His people. He faced ridicule, hardship, and eventually death for you and for me. He faced it not so that we could sit in our usual comfortable spot on Sunday morning and be complacent all the rest of the week. He faced it so that we could bring His message of grace, hope, redemption, salvation and love to a lost, broken and hurting world. To shine His light in dark places. To let all those around us know of a Heavenly Father who loves us so richly and deeply that we could never comprehend or fathom it fully.
He wants us to be about His business. I definitely was not about His business last night.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
Exactly. If I am taking in garbage, my actions and words are going to produce garbage. If my mind and thoughts are cluttered with the refuse of worldly things, my life is going to reveal the garbage dump that is my heart. It's time to call in the garbageman and get rid of those things that cloud Godly judgment and taint His work in my life.
I want to be about my God's business. I want to know Him more. I want to seek out His will and not my own. I want there to be no question what I believe and who I believe in.
I don't want another careless comment like the one made last night to be made again. It was so flippant and completely hurtful. There is no excuse for it.
It's time, church. It is time to throw out the trash. The movies we shouldn't be watching. The words we shouldn't be using. The lies we shouldn't be believing. The way we know we shouldn't be living. Neglecting the Bible we should be reading. Treating others better than we treat them now. Quit watching out for number one and showing compassion to those who really need to know who He is.
And quit fighting with each other over sanctuary carpet color or worship styles. Shouldn't we be thankful to have a place to worship in the first place? Freedom to be able to still speak His name? The freedom to sing His praises and the honor to be able to help His people? Isn't that what it should be about? LOVE?
He is just asking us to step up and say yes. And to be about His business.
I love my church. I love the people, the worship and the solid, Scriptural teaching that constantly challenges me to grow and learn. I have an awesome pastor who is not afraid to tell the Truth of things no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Since when did God want us to stay in the "comfort zone" anyway?
But last night did not reflect where my heart is suppose to be. It reflected a worldly opinion and perspective that is so detrimental and damaging to our churches today.
God wants us to be about His business. He wants us in the church, caring for His people. Shining His light. Grappling with the heart stuff so that His greater glory is revealed. He doesn't just want us to sit idly by in our pew or chair and become complacent. Since when did complacency ever accomplish anything? Really. The greatest victories have come through stepping out of the bubble and into something scary and different. Moses did it. Jonah did it. David did it. Abraham did it.
Jesus did it.
He stepped into a human form. He lived among His people. He faced ridicule, hardship, and eventually death for you and for me. He faced it not so that we could sit in our usual comfortable spot on Sunday morning and be complacent all the rest of the week. He faced it so that we could bring His message of grace, hope, redemption, salvation and love to a lost, broken and hurting world. To shine His light in dark places. To let all those around us know of a Heavenly Father who loves us so richly and deeply that we could never comprehend or fathom it fully.
He wants us to be about His business. I definitely was not about His business last night.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
Exactly. If I am taking in garbage, my actions and words are going to produce garbage. If my mind and thoughts are cluttered with the refuse of worldly things, my life is going to reveal the garbage dump that is my heart. It's time to call in the garbageman and get rid of those things that cloud Godly judgment and taint His work in my life.
I want to be about my God's business. I want to know Him more. I want to seek out His will and not my own. I want there to be no question what I believe and who I believe in.
I don't want another careless comment like the one made last night to be made again. It was so flippant and completely hurtful. There is no excuse for it.
It's time, church. It is time to throw out the trash. The movies we shouldn't be watching. The words we shouldn't be using. The lies we shouldn't be believing. The way we know we shouldn't be living. Neglecting the Bible we should be reading. Treating others better than we treat them now. Quit watching out for number one and showing compassion to those who really need to know who He is.
And quit fighting with each other over sanctuary carpet color or worship styles. Shouldn't we be thankful to have a place to worship in the first place? Freedom to be able to still speak His name? The freedom to sing His praises and the honor to be able to help His people? Isn't that what it should be about? LOVE?
He is just asking us to step up and say yes. And to be about His business.
19 September 2011
Learning To Go Home
Kind of a funny title, right? Learning to go home?
In this great and vast time of figuring things out and giving over control, I realized something. I really don't know who I am, and what I think of myself is actually a jumbled mess of what everyone else's perception of who Lori Olivier is. I have learned to fit a mold that I am outgrowing. In the process of getting lost in who I am, I forgot how to get back home.
This weekend I went home. I spent time with my brother and sister-in-law, my niece and my nephew, another brother and a dear friend. As my niece came in the house, she gave me the biggest, grandest hug I have ever received from anyone. I knew I was home.
Then I went to the Pursuit of Excellence marching band competition at SMSU (where I went to college) with a dear friend from college. It was fun and exciting being in the new stadium and enjoying that experience with someone who understood what it was like to be a Mustang. I was home.
This hasn't always been an easy process. Back in college a series of unfortunate events took place that brought great heartache and great hatred of a school and town I once loved. For many years I couldn't be in Marshall without all of those old things coming back again. I let others take my identity, who I was, and trade it in for who they wanted me to be. It has been a process to get through all of that junk to the point now where I can be in Marshall and feel like I am finally back. Finally home. Enjoy the good memories and feel excitement being back in my old college town. I am even going back this next weekend to enjoy homecoming festivities. I am very excited about that.
Even being back with family is different. Letting go and working through all of the history and the hurt and the anger of past events has brought about a new appreciation for being with my family. Slowly, slowly, slowly I am being renewed day by day. Those places in my heart where distrust and hurt have lived for so long are being evicted and home is starting to feel more like home again.
And, I am learning to go Home. To the One who sees my future, who has redeemed my past and is restoring my present. I am learning more and more everyday about the path that leads me Home. His Truth lights the way and all I can do is take a step at a time to get there.
God is slowly working me through relationships. He is showing me the difference between being a friend of convenience and a true friend. Between being a member of a family or being a daughter and a sister in His strength. He is showing me, through my relationships, who those people are and what needs to be worked on to restore the relationships or step away from the unhealthy ones and let Him take control until it is healthy again. It is painful. It is uncomfortable. It is necessary.
Something big was accomplished this weekend, though. I finally learned how to go home.
"My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near Your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
they are ever praising You." -Psalm 84:2-4
In this great and vast time of figuring things out and giving over control, I realized something. I really don't know who I am, and what I think of myself is actually a jumbled mess of what everyone else's perception of who Lori Olivier is. I have learned to fit a mold that I am outgrowing. In the process of getting lost in who I am, I forgot how to get back home.
This weekend I went home. I spent time with my brother and sister-in-law, my niece and my nephew, another brother and a dear friend. As my niece came in the house, she gave me the biggest, grandest hug I have ever received from anyone. I knew I was home.
Then I went to the Pursuit of Excellence marching band competition at SMSU (where I went to college) with a dear friend from college. It was fun and exciting being in the new stadium and enjoying that experience with someone who understood what it was like to be a Mustang. I was home.
This hasn't always been an easy process. Back in college a series of unfortunate events took place that brought great heartache and great hatred of a school and town I once loved. For many years I couldn't be in Marshall without all of those old things coming back again. I let others take my identity, who I was, and trade it in for who they wanted me to be. It has been a process to get through all of that junk to the point now where I can be in Marshall and feel like I am finally back. Finally home. Enjoy the good memories and feel excitement being back in my old college town. I am even going back this next weekend to enjoy homecoming festivities. I am very excited about that.
Even being back with family is different. Letting go and working through all of the history and the hurt and the anger of past events has brought about a new appreciation for being with my family. Slowly, slowly, slowly I am being renewed day by day. Those places in my heart where distrust and hurt have lived for so long are being evicted and home is starting to feel more like home again.
And, I am learning to go Home. To the One who sees my future, who has redeemed my past and is restoring my present. I am learning more and more everyday about the path that leads me Home. His Truth lights the way and all I can do is take a step at a time to get there.
God is slowly working me through relationships. He is showing me the difference between being a friend of convenience and a true friend. Between being a member of a family or being a daughter and a sister in His strength. He is showing me, through my relationships, who those people are and what needs to be worked on to restore the relationships or step away from the unhealthy ones and let Him take control until it is healthy again. It is painful. It is uncomfortable. It is necessary.
Something big was accomplished this weekend, though. I finally learned how to go home.
"My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near Your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
they are ever praising You." -Psalm 84:2-4
16 September 2011
A New Day
Well, good morning. Good Friday morning. It is beautiful fall day here in Prinsburg. And it is a new day.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1
Indeed. Last night was a great struggle to figure some things out. To struggle and grapple with my heart and finally just surrender it over to the One who fights these battles for me. And I came to a few conclusions and figured out, with God's help, areas in my life where things just need to be different.
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
I need to guard what goes into my heart. My heart needs to be in the right spot. So, protecting that and making sure that I am being fed by the Word is so important. Also, I need to surround myself with people who aren't afraid to hold me accountable. Dig into those things and find the scripture that brings to light the truth from the lies.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -Ecclesiastes 4:12
As well as guarding my heart, I need to be careful who I am surrounding myself with. It becomes too easy to put too much dependence on people and not enough on God. People will fail you. God never will. But He does put in our lives people who walk with us through things. I am finding more and more who those people are and who I need to step away from as it has become detrimental to growth, especially when God isn't the center. Those relationships where God is not the focus will not only bring you down, but will be a stumbling block for the other person as well. It is so important to surround yourself with Godly, grounded people. Those who will pray WITH you, dig into the Word WITH you and not be afraid to stand with you as you face hard times or laugh and find joy in the good moments. I seek to find people who are willing to pray with me and whom I can pray with and for. Prayer is so powerful and even in my closest relationships it is not done. I believe that agreement with fellow brothers and sisters in prayer is a great weapon in spiritual battle. It helps those who are struggling to stand up with a united front against an enemy that seeks to "kill, steal and destroy". There is definitely strength in numbers. I seek people I can be in the Word with, who are grounded in their faith. There is a difference between just telling someone what the answer is and actually taking the time to show them where that truth is within the Bible. I know plenty of people who can give me the "right answers", but I treasure the people who readily have their Bible open to show me where that is.
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." -Romans 15:4
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." -2 Timothy 3:16-17
How important is it to be in the Word? Very. I have been lacking in that lately and I definitely feel that lack of grounding in my own life. I NEED to be in His Word. I need to soak in truth and encouragement from His words. The Bible teaches us how we should live, the way we should go. When that is not present, life turns upside down. Relationships falter. Emotion takes over reason and Satan gets a foothold. Ground yourself in His Word. Be fed by life-giving Scripture. You will be glad that you did.
So, today is a new day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Today is His day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1
Indeed. Last night was a great struggle to figure some things out. To struggle and grapple with my heart and finally just surrender it over to the One who fights these battles for me. And I came to a few conclusions and figured out, with God's help, areas in my life where things just need to be different.
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
I need to guard what goes into my heart. My heart needs to be in the right spot. So, protecting that and making sure that I am being fed by the Word is so important. Also, I need to surround myself with people who aren't afraid to hold me accountable. Dig into those things and find the scripture that brings to light the truth from the lies.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -Ecclesiastes 4:12
As well as guarding my heart, I need to be careful who I am surrounding myself with. It becomes too easy to put too much dependence on people and not enough on God. People will fail you. God never will. But He does put in our lives people who walk with us through things. I am finding more and more who those people are and who I need to step away from as it has become detrimental to growth, especially when God isn't the center. Those relationships where God is not the focus will not only bring you down, but will be a stumbling block for the other person as well. It is so important to surround yourself with Godly, grounded people. Those who will pray WITH you, dig into the Word WITH you and not be afraid to stand with you as you face hard times or laugh and find joy in the good moments. I seek to find people who are willing to pray with me and whom I can pray with and for. Prayer is so powerful and even in my closest relationships it is not done. I believe that agreement with fellow brothers and sisters in prayer is a great weapon in spiritual battle. It helps those who are struggling to stand up with a united front against an enemy that seeks to "kill, steal and destroy". There is definitely strength in numbers. I seek people I can be in the Word with, who are grounded in their faith. There is a difference between just telling someone what the answer is and actually taking the time to show them where that truth is within the Bible. I know plenty of people who can give me the "right answers", but I treasure the people who readily have their Bible open to show me where that is.
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." -Romans 15:4
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." -2 Timothy 3:16-17
How important is it to be in the Word? Very. I have been lacking in that lately and I definitely feel that lack of grounding in my own life. I NEED to be in His Word. I need to soak in truth and encouragement from His words. The Bible teaches us how we should live, the way we should go. When that is not present, life turns upside down. Relationships falter. Emotion takes over reason and Satan gets a foothold. Ground yourself in His Word. Be fed by life-giving Scripture. You will be glad that you did.
So, today is a new day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Today is His day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
15 September 2011
White flags of surrender
It is inevitable. People are going to hurt you. They will fail you. We are not a perfect people. We let people down and we push people away.
I do.
This week's lesson has been on grace. And love. And guarding that precious thing called a heart. What a week. Wait, what a month. This has been one of those "walk through the valley" seasons.
Unfortunately the thing that has caused this whole valley experience is still in full swing. Also, unfortunately, there isn't a resolution.........yet. I am not sure there ever really will be, but it is hard to see it when you are the one going through it. These are the times when walking through that valley gets tough. When the rubber meets the road. When you either know what you stand on and WHO you stand for or you don't.
You also realize who stands with you. It's surprising who is there and who is not. This is where He nudges me to extend grace and mercy even if I don't feel like it. He always knows better.
He also leads me to filter all of it through His love, which is unconditional. This proves to be hard as well, but He gives me the strength and perseverance to do so.
I know who I stand for. I know what I stand on. I know that I am fighting a battle that is not mine to fight in the first place. I am done fighting. I am letting this go. I am giving it to God and I am leaving it at the Cross. I don't know what is going to happen. I have no idea what the outcome will be. All I know is that God is more powerful than even the most powerful emotions that have been brought on. He is the light shining in the darkest parts of my heart to reveal the lies that I have been letting myself believe. He lifts me up when I am weak. He brings comfort where there is chaos. He takes this breaking and hurting heart, holds it in His mighty hands and begins the healing process.
He knows. He knows all of it. He has heard the anger through prayers of frustration. He has heard the desperation as the white flag of surrender is thrown in and the fighting stops. He sees it in all tears, knowing that there is something so much better on the other side of the valley.
He sees His servant hurting and brings comfort and much needed peace where before there was none.
He knows. He sees. He hears.
He knows where you are, too. He knows what makes you laugh. What brings you joy. What breaks your heart. He wants to help. He laughs when you do. He finds great delight in your joy. He aches and wants to bring peace and comfort to your broken heart. He loves you. He loves me. Very, very, very much. He is the only true friend who will never leave you nor forsake you. He won't let you down. He won't treat you any differently whether you are by yourself or in a crowd. He will not say one thing and do another. He won't just stoically sit there and passively listen. He is engaged in everything you do. That....that is comfort.
"For this is what the high and lofty One says—
he who lives forever, whose name is holy:
“I live in a high and holy place,
but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." -Isaiah 57:15
Tonight, there is peace. A calm in my spirit that has been gone for a long time. When I finally surrendered and let God take His rightful place within this, my burden was lifted. Yes, I may have to bring it back to the altar a few more times before I can completely let it go, but the white flag has been flown. I surrender it, Lord. All to you.
Lord, may there be comfort and healing this night. May the peace that surpasses all understanding reside within broken hearts. May Your love be the embrace we need to walk us through the valley and into the light. May our selfishness be surrendered and our joy returned. We love You, Father, and leave these hurts and fears at the foot of Your Cross. Lift these burdens and restore our hope. For You, oh Lord, are Father. You alone are good. We praise You and honor You, Lord.
Amen.
I do.
This week's lesson has been on grace. And love. And guarding that precious thing called a heart. What a week. Wait, what a month. This has been one of those "walk through the valley" seasons.
Unfortunately the thing that has caused this whole valley experience is still in full swing. Also, unfortunately, there isn't a resolution.........yet. I am not sure there ever really will be, but it is hard to see it when you are the one going through it. These are the times when walking through that valley gets tough. When the rubber meets the road. When you either know what you stand on and WHO you stand for or you don't.
You also realize who stands with you. It's surprising who is there and who is not. This is where He nudges me to extend grace and mercy even if I don't feel like it. He always knows better.
He also leads me to filter all of it through His love, which is unconditional. This proves to be hard as well, but He gives me the strength and perseverance to do so.
I know who I stand for. I know what I stand on. I know that I am fighting a battle that is not mine to fight in the first place. I am done fighting. I am letting this go. I am giving it to God and I am leaving it at the Cross. I don't know what is going to happen. I have no idea what the outcome will be. All I know is that God is more powerful than even the most powerful emotions that have been brought on. He is the light shining in the darkest parts of my heart to reveal the lies that I have been letting myself believe. He lifts me up when I am weak. He brings comfort where there is chaos. He takes this breaking and hurting heart, holds it in His mighty hands and begins the healing process.
He knows. He knows all of it. He has heard the anger through prayers of frustration. He has heard the desperation as the white flag of surrender is thrown in and the fighting stops. He sees it in all tears, knowing that there is something so much better on the other side of the valley.
He sees His servant hurting and brings comfort and much needed peace where before there was none.
He knows. He sees. He hears.
He knows where you are, too. He knows what makes you laugh. What brings you joy. What breaks your heart. He wants to help. He laughs when you do. He finds great delight in your joy. He aches and wants to bring peace and comfort to your broken heart. He loves you. He loves me. Very, very, very much. He is the only true friend who will never leave you nor forsake you. He won't let you down. He won't treat you any differently whether you are by yourself or in a crowd. He will not say one thing and do another. He won't just stoically sit there and passively listen. He is engaged in everything you do. That....that is comfort.
"For this is what the high and lofty One says—
he who lives forever, whose name is holy:
“I live in a high and holy place,
but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." -Isaiah 57:15
Tonight, there is peace. A calm in my spirit that has been gone for a long time. When I finally surrendered and let God take His rightful place within this, my burden was lifted. Yes, I may have to bring it back to the altar a few more times before I can completely let it go, but the white flag has been flown. I surrender it, Lord. All to you.
Lord, may there be comfort and healing this night. May the peace that surpasses all understanding reside within broken hearts. May Your love be the embrace we need to walk us through the valley and into the light. May our selfishness be surrendered and our joy returned. We love You, Father, and leave these hurts and fears at the foot of Your Cross. Lift these burdens and restore our hope. For You, oh Lord, are Father. You alone are good. We praise You and honor You, Lord.
Amen.
09 September 2011
Love...and Strawberries
Today is better than yesterday.....in some ways. My mouth is better. Now I just have a dull ache instead of throbbing pain. So that part is good.
This morning our chapel in the elementary was about "Love and Strawberries". The principal asked the kids if they have anyone in their lives that they don't always want to show love to.
I raised my hand.
I haven't been a very good friend lately. I can tell that in the lack of communication I have here with my friends. I have no problem "externally processing" but I suck at communicating when I am hurt or when I am afraid. Joy? No problem. When I am excited, everyone knows it. But when I am sad, I don't want anyone to know it because that is not the version of Lori that everyone likes.
I received a text from a friend once saying, "I hope you are better soon. I don't really like this sad version of you." Believe me, I don't either. I don't either. I would much rather be the happy, bubbly personality that everyone else seems to know and love. And I can be, just not all the time. I am working on it, though. God certainly has blessed me with joy through so many hard times. He has created me with a heart that cares deeply for others, even when my surfacy actions would say otherwise. He lovingly convicts me in this area all the time.
Like right now.
So this morning finds me drugged up on antibiotics and pain meds, but also hurting in my heart for how I treat others. I am a fool to do so. God has entrusted me with amazing friends and I am not being a good steward of what He has trusted me with. This has been an area where I have always struggled: relationships. They are hard for me. They always have been. It's a heartbreaking way to live.
But it gets better little by little all the time. The more and more trust I place in Him, the more and more I begin to believe and know that I am worth being someone's friend. That I am not just this disposable person but someone of value who others genuinely want to know. I have to remind myself of that constantly as the lies try to drown out the Truth of who He says I am and His plan and purpose for my life.
I have amazing friends. Amazing. I wouldn't change anything about any of the friendships I currently have. Even the hard times, because perseverance is produced through all of the struggle and a deeper bond is formed. Please forgive me, my friends. I haven't been a great friend lately but don't give up yet. I am still being renewed day by day and still growing and learning, same as you.
God, I trust in You. I pray that You can help me mend my relationships where they are broken. Help me, Lord, to be the kind of friend that my friends are to me. Help me to stand against the lies that I believe and to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am loved. God, You are amazing. Thank You.
This morning our chapel in the elementary was about "Love and Strawberries". The principal asked the kids if they have anyone in their lives that they don't always want to show love to.
I raised my hand.
I haven't been a very good friend lately. I can tell that in the lack of communication I have here with my friends. I have no problem "externally processing" but I suck at communicating when I am hurt or when I am afraid. Joy? No problem. When I am excited, everyone knows it. But when I am sad, I don't want anyone to know it because that is not the version of Lori that everyone likes.
I received a text from a friend once saying, "I hope you are better soon. I don't really like this sad version of you." Believe me, I don't either. I don't either. I would much rather be the happy, bubbly personality that everyone else seems to know and love. And I can be, just not all the time. I am working on it, though. God certainly has blessed me with joy through so many hard times. He has created me with a heart that cares deeply for others, even when my surfacy actions would say otherwise. He lovingly convicts me in this area all the time.
Like right now.
So this morning finds me drugged up on antibiotics and pain meds, but also hurting in my heart for how I treat others. I am a fool to do so. God has entrusted me with amazing friends and I am not being a good steward of what He has trusted me with. This has been an area where I have always struggled: relationships. They are hard for me. They always have been. It's a heartbreaking way to live.
But it gets better little by little all the time. The more and more trust I place in Him, the more and more I begin to believe and know that I am worth being someone's friend. That I am not just this disposable person but someone of value who others genuinely want to know. I have to remind myself of that constantly as the lies try to drown out the Truth of who He says I am and His plan and purpose for my life.
I have amazing friends. Amazing. I wouldn't change anything about any of the friendships I currently have. Even the hard times, because perseverance is produced through all of the struggle and a deeper bond is formed. Please forgive me, my friends. I haven't been a great friend lately but don't give up yet. I am still being renewed day by day and still growing and learning, same as you.
God, I trust in You. I pray that You can help me mend my relationships where they are broken. Help me, Lord, to be the kind of friend that my friends are to me. Help me to stand against the lies that I believe and to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am loved. God, You are amazing. Thank You.
08 September 2011
What a day....
This may go down as the worst Thursday ever.
Last night (Wednesday) I got home after a really awesome capital campaign meeting, grabbed an apple, took a bite and pretty much broke one of my molars. So, between 1:00-3:00 AM I awoke with this shooting, horrible pain on the right side of my face. It was emanating from the tooth that I cracked wide open.
So, I pretty much stayed up all night catching up on episodes of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman trying not to think about how much pain I was in.
This morning I made it a whole hour at school. I didn't say much about what had happened because my mouth hurt so bad I could hardly open it to say anything. So I cancelled my ENTIRE schedule for the school day, made a dental appointment and left for the day. I spent a few hours at the dentist where he pulled the broken tooth and took care of the infection starting in the next one over. I was pretty numb from the Novocaine and pretty out of it. I got some antibiotics, some ibuprofen and went home. Even though I was pain free for a few hours, I still couldn't get any rest. So I finished out my Dr. Quinn marathon and waited for the Novocaine to wear off.
I decided to try and make this somewhat of a normal day and try and take tickets at the volleyball game this evening. Oh boy. The pain I felt this morning was nothing compared to what it became this evening. It went from a 10 to a 100. So I took another trip to Willmar and went to Urgent Care. Half an hour later I ended up with 3 prescriptions (two for painkillers and one for a stronger antibiotic), a debt to a friend and relief from the excruciating pain that has ruled a good chunk of this day.
So, in 24 hours I have had around 2 hours of sleep. I am currently on two painkillers and an antibiotic that is currently kicking my butt, but I am not in pain anymore. I am finally tired and am hopeful that sleep will come easier this evening than it did last night.
I am hoping and praying that in these final hours of this Thursday that nothing else will happen.
God, You are in control. And I am humbled and blessed in ways I can't even imagine even through pain that I can't handle. God, You are good. I am thankful. And probably getting a little loopy.
Time to end this blog and get some sleep.
Last night (Wednesday) I got home after a really awesome capital campaign meeting, grabbed an apple, took a bite and pretty much broke one of my molars. So, between 1:00-3:00 AM I awoke with this shooting, horrible pain on the right side of my face. It was emanating from the tooth that I cracked wide open.
So, I pretty much stayed up all night catching up on episodes of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman trying not to think about how much pain I was in.
This morning I made it a whole hour at school. I didn't say much about what had happened because my mouth hurt so bad I could hardly open it to say anything. So I cancelled my ENTIRE schedule for the school day, made a dental appointment and left for the day. I spent a few hours at the dentist where he pulled the broken tooth and took care of the infection starting in the next one over. I was pretty numb from the Novocaine and pretty out of it. I got some antibiotics, some ibuprofen and went home. Even though I was pain free for a few hours, I still couldn't get any rest. So I finished out my Dr. Quinn marathon and waited for the Novocaine to wear off.
I decided to try and make this somewhat of a normal day and try and take tickets at the volleyball game this evening. Oh boy. The pain I felt this morning was nothing compared to what it became this evening. It went from a 10 to a 100. So I took another trip to Willmar and went to Urgent Care. Half an hour later I ended up with 3 prescriptions (two for painkillers and one for a stronger antibiotic), a debt to a friend and relief from the excruciating pain that has ruled a good chunk of this day.
So, in 24 hours I have had around 2 hours of sleep. I am currently on two painkillers and an antibiotic that is currently kicking my butt, but I am not in pain anymore. I am finally tired and am hopeful that sleep will come easier this evening than it did last night.
I am hoping and praying that in these final hours of this Thursday that nothing else will happen.
God, You are in control. And I am humbled and blessed in ways I can't even imagine even through pain that I can't handle. God, You are good. I am thankful. And probably getting a little loopy.
Time to end this blog and get some sleep.
07 September 2011
Not Gandalf.......God
Back a year ago I got this...title? The girls at camp referenced me to Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings. It was fun for a little while to go along with it and to feel kind of important and special because they thought so highly of me.
Now I see how ridiculous that was. Honestly.
Everyone wants to feel important and loved. Everyone. They want to know that someone looks up to them and thinks highly of them. After this summer, however, it isn't so important anymore. Of course I want people to think good things about me. But sometimes it is in those bad things or negative things that you can really see yourself. I found that when I looked into those negative emotions that I was seeing parts of myself that needed work. Some places needed a major overhaul and some just a slight modification. I needed God's help to filter out the lies and reveal His truth. His truth is that my trust and complete reliance needs to be on Him, not on the collective opinion of people.
I don't need people to think highly of me. I need people to think highly of Him.
I put so much stock in titles that were so temporary. I let my leadership gift be overshadowed by the title that accompanied it. I tried, in my own strength, to do a job that required complete and utter dependence on God. Trying it my way was epic failure. Doing things His way may not always be fun or safe, but at least it yields better results for His greater glory.
I am very okay with that.
Paul was, too. He faced persecution and death at every turn to proclaim the glory of God and the life-saving power of Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the Cross. I am sure he was referred to by many names, and probably not as nice as being called Gandalf. Did the taunters and the hypocrites and the haters stop him from proclaiming the message of grace, peace and love? Not at all. In fact, it made his determination to see all come to Christ that much stronger so that the Name above all names would be proclaimed by all people.
"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant. Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of His body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:21-29
So, I no longer claim this Gandalf title given to me. I don't want it. Give it to someone else. I want the only title on earth that ever really mattered. The title that calls me His. I am:
1. His beloved
2. His child
3. Daughter of the King
4. A masterpiece
5. One whom He delights in
6. God's princess
7. A Christ-follower
8. His creation
9. Accepted and Forgiven
10. Dearly loved
11. A friend of God
12. A friend
13. A sister (in Christ and in family)
His Book (aka The Bible) tells me exactly who I am and how I am to live. I choose to live as His. I choose to try and do everything I do to bring Him the glory He deserves. I don't need to live up to the expectations of man, but I do strive daily to be more and more like Jesus.
Not Gandalf...God. If it is Gandalf you seek, the library is open. If it is God you seek, call on His name. He is waiting for you.
Now I see how ridiculous that was. Honestly.
Everyone wants to feel important and loved. Everyone. They want to know that someone looks up to them and thinks highly of them. After this summer, however, it isn't so important anymore. Of course I want people to think good things about me. But sometimes it is in those bad things or negative things that you can really see yourself. I found that when I looked into those negative emotions that I was seeing parts of myself that needed work. Some places needed a major overhaul and some just a slight modification. I needed God's help to filter out the lies and reveal His truth. His truth is that my trust and complete reliance needs to be on Him, not on the collective opinion of people.
I don't need people to think highly of me. I need people to think highly of Him.
I put so much stock in titles that were so temporary. I let my leadership gift be overshadowed by the title that accompanied it. I tried, in my own strength, to do a job that required complete and utter dependence on God. Trying it my way was epic failure. Doing things His way may not always be fun or safe, but at least it yields better results for His greater glory.
I am very okay with that.
Paul was, too. He faced persecution and death at every turn to proclaim the glory of God and the life-saving power of Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the Cross. I am sure he was referred to by many names, and probably not as nice as being called Gandalf. Did the taunters and the hypocrites and the haters stop him from proclaiming the message of grace, peace and love? Not at all. In fact, it made his determination to see all come to Christ that much stronger so that the Name above all names would be proclaimed by all people.
"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant. Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of His body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:21-29
So, I no longer claim this Gandalf title given to me. I don't want it. Give it to someone else. I want the only title on earth that ever really mattered. The title that calls me His. I am:
1. His beloved
2. His child
3. Daughter of the King
4. A masterpiece
5. One whom He delights in
6. God's princess
7. A Christ-follower
8. His creation
9. Accepted and Forgiven
10. Dearly loved
11. A friend of God
12. A friend
13. A sister (in Christ and in family)
His Book (aka The Bible) tells me exactly who I am and how I am to live. I choose to live as His. I choose to try and do everything I do to bring Him the glory He deserves. I don't need to live up to the expectations of man, but I do strive daily to be more and more like Jesus.
Not Gandalf...God. If it is Gandalf you seek, the library is open. If it is God you seek, call on His name. He is waiting for you.
06 September 2011
Life
Oh, life. How you get so crazy busy so very quickly.
I have been contemplating a lot on life as it is related to the past few months. Camp, school, relationships.
Camp has been a hard one to completely process. The summer started out so well and ended, well, not so well. In my mind I keep going through over and over and over again the final few weeks of camp. The good, the bad, the assumed. Pretty much trying to figure out what went wrong and how it went wrong.
I let my pessimism drive my final weeks of camp. My negative side reared its ugly head, and unfortunately some people didn't like that version of me so much. So much so that relationships have changed and there has been no contact since camp. I thought I would be upset with that. I am really not all that devastated.
I was discussing this with a friend of mine a few weeks ago. I explained all of what happened, knowing I had to take responsibility for my actions. I know I tend to have a negative side. Stress brings that out. Also, a lack of being in the Word and a lack of prayer brings it out even more. I will be honest with you, I was not in my Bible the way I should have been. I wasn't talking to God as much as I should have been, either. Those are both on me. My attitude would have been drastically different if I had just gone to Him first instead of "externally processing" everything onto those around me.
Yes, I am an external processor. My closest friends know this about me. They also know that if I can't exercise that process, I will explode or completely shutdown on people. I pretty much shutdown completely the last two solid days of camp. And since I am being totally honest, I could not wait to leave on the last day. It was all I could do to restrain myself from running to the door, getting in my car and burning rubber to Prinsburg. I knew that those people who understood me best would be there for me when I got home, or at least on their way home.
These past few weeks I have been trying to make sense of it all. I did grow quite a bit this summer. God revealed to me areas of my life that I hadn't wanted to let light into. I thought if they just stayed in the dusty, dark corners of my heart that they would be buried deep enough never to see the light of day again. God knows better. He took His flashlight of Truth, and through the cobwebs of fear, regrets and isolation, He revealed a heart beating for Him. He revealed a scared little girl who wanted only the love of her Heavenly Father and to figure out once and for all her place in this world.
I learned a very valuable lesson this summer. I cannot be everything to everyone and I cannot bend my principles to suit the needs of those who take advantage of situations and call it "friendship". That is no friend at all. I learned a lot about who I am and how much I can tolerate before conviction becomes condemnation.
My future at camp is uncertain. I would love to say an enthusiastic "YES" to next summer, but I am not sure I can even begin to let that thought creep into my head. It really was a great summer as far as ministering to the kids went. I would do that again in a heartbeat. I am just not sure if I could handle being in the same role again. Perhaps I will give it a year or two and then think about it again.
Thank goodness that God has blessed me with faith-based, Bible-based people as well as young adult groups that I can be in community with. I am blessed to be surrounded by those who consistently walk and live their faith out. I am blessed to know others who do not live near me who are just as strong in their convictions. I am thankful each day that God would allow me to be a member of His body and a fellow worker in the harvest. I am most thankful to have people who call me out on things and aren't afraid to do so, regardless of title. It is so much more effective when someone is willing to be honest. I appreciate and have more respect for others who see my sin and point it out instead of not point it out and allow me to keep on sinning. I definitely want those honest people on my side. I pray that I can also be that honest person to those around me, although that part is a work in progress.
I think this is my way of putting this issue to bed. God, I feel you moving in my life in a real, tangible way. Thank You for creating me exactly as I am, faults and all, so that I may continually move from where I am ever closer to where You want me to be. I know the road isn't easy, and I know that there will be hard times, but You promise to be with me and walk me through valleys of shadow and rejoice with me on mountaintops of light. Teach me to have an undivided heart. Teach me to stand for You and not for people. I don't want to do life without You.
Thank You, Lord, for bringing me home.
I have been contemplating a lot on life as it is related to the past few months. Camp, school, relationships.
Camp has been a hard one to completely process. The summer started out so well and ended, well, not so well. In my mind I keep going through over and over and over again the final few weeks of camp. The good, the bad, the assumed. Pretty much trying to figure out what went wrong and how it went wrong.
I let my pessimism drive my final weeks of camp. My negative side reared its ugly head, and unfortunately some people didn't like that version of me so much. So much so that relationships have changed and there has been no contact since camp. I thought I would be upset with that. I am really not all that devastated.
I was discussing this with a friend of mine a few weeks ago. I explained all of what happened, knowing I had to take responsibility for my actions. I know I tend to have a negative side. Stress brings that out. Also, a lack of being in the Word and a lack of prayer brings it out even more. I will be honest with you, I was not in my Bible the way I should have been. I wasn't talking to God as much as I should have been, either. Those are both on me. My attitude would have been drastically different if I had just gone to Him first instead of "externally processing" everything onto those around me.
Yes, I am an external processor. My closest friends know this about me. They also know that if I can't exercise that process, I will explode or completely shutdown on people. I pretty much shutdown completely the last two solid days of camp. And since I am being totally honest, I could not wait to leave on the last day. It was all I could do to restrain myself from running to the door, getting in my car and burning rubber to Prinsburg. I knew that those people who understood me best would be there for me when I got home, or at least on their way home.
These past few weeks I have been trying to make sense of it all. I did grow quite a bit this summer. God revealed to me areas of my life that I hadn't wanted to let light into. I thought if they just stayed in the dusty, dark corners of my heart that they would be buried deep enough never to see the light of day again. God knows better. He took His flashlight of Truth, and through the cobwebs of fear, regrets and isolation, He revealed a heart beating for Him. He revealed a scared little girl who wanted only the love of her Heavenly Father and to figure out once and for all her place in this world.
I learned a very valuable lesson this summer. I cannot be everything to everyone and I cannot bend my principles to suit the needs of those who take advantage of situations and call it "friendship". That is no friend at all. I learned a lot about who I am and how much I can tolerate before conviction becomes condemnation.
My future at camp is uncertain. I would love to say an enthusiastic "YES" to next summer, but I am not sure I can even begin to let that thought creep into my head. It really was a great summer as far as ministering to the kids went. I would do that again in a heartbeat. I am just not sure if I could handle being in the same role again. Perhaps I will give it a year or two and then think about it again.
Thank goodness that God has blessed me with faith-based, Bible-based people as well as young adult groups that I can be in community with. I am blessed to be surrounded by those who consistently walk and live their faith out. I am blessed to know others who do not live near me who are just as strong in their convictions. I am thankful each day that God would allow me to be a member of His body and a fellow worker in the harvest. I am most thankful to have people who call me out on things and aren't afraid to do so, regardless of title. It is so much more effective when someone is willing to be honest. I appreciate and have more respect for others who see my sin and point it out instead of not point it out and allow me to keep on sinning. I definitely want those honest people on my side. I pray that I can also be that honest person to those around me, although that part is a work in progress.
I think this is my way of putting this issue to bed. God, I feel you moving in my life in a real, tangible way. Thank You for creating me exactly as I am, faults and all, so that I may continually move from where I am ever closer to where You want me to be. I know the road isn't easy, and I know that there will be hard times, but You promise to be with me and walk me through valleys of shadow and rejoice with me on mountaintops of light. Teach me to have an undivided heart. Teach me to stand for You and not for people. I don't want to do life without You.
Thank You, Lord, for bringing me home.
27 July 2011
Almost Home.......
Wow. What a summer. And I cannot wait to come home. I am finally ready to be back and to figure out what this new step I am about to take looks like. I am genuinely excited to see where God is going to use me and to be surprised at where that may take me.
I have a passion to help hurting kids. I love seeing victory come through the most dire of circumstances and ultimately for them to finally see how much God loves them. To see their eyes sparkle as they talk about Jesus and all of the great questions that come with a new walk with Him.
I am in the business of helping kids see Jesus in such an awesome and powerful way that they are never the same. Not through anything I do, but through what God does through me. I am His willing vessel. I want to do this for the rest of my life and I say that with 100% certainty. And not just kids, but I love to see young adults find their full potential. When a young person sees their life the way that God does, it is extraordinary.
I want to be in full-time ministry. More specifically, full-time ministry helping kids who need someone in their life as a mentor or in an after school program. Something that requires all of me and not just the parts that I let God have now and then.
I want Him to have it all. I just want to be along for the ride.
So this will change me. And it will probably eventually change my employment. And it will probably change my whole life in some fascinating and maybe some difficult ways, but more so this summer than any other I felt God's call to help His children. To be there for them. How that is going to look, I don't know. Where that happens is another big question mark. However, I have never been more ready for anything in my life than I have been for this these past few weeks. Being at camp has been such a confirmation of that. Not just from this year, but also last year. Looking back at the events of last summer I now see a plan and a purpose.
It is exciting. :)
So, yeah. Home I go next Wednesday to rejoin my regularly scheduled life and begin to sort through and process what this new direction is going to look like. I am open to all possibilities. I look forward to catching up with friends and seeing how those relationship will grow and change. I look forward to rejoining Joppa and getting reacquainted with friends there. I look forward to getting back into the swing of helping plan YATEC and beginning another school year. But mostly, I look forward to seeing what God has on the horizon. Friends, it is going to be an interesting year. God bless.
I have a passion to help hurting kids. I love seeing victory come through the most dire of circumstances and ultimately for them to finally see how much God loves them. To see their eyes sparkle as they talk about Jesus and all of the great questions that come with a new walk with Him.
I am in the business of helping kids see Jesus in such an awesome and powerful way that they are never the same. Not through anything I do, but through what God does through me. I am His willing vessel. I want to do this for the rest of my life and I say that with 100% certainty. And not just kids, but I love to see young adults find their full potential. When a young person sees their life the way that God does, it is extraordinary.
I want to be in full-time ministry. More specifically, full-time ministry helping kids who need someone in their life as a mentor or in an after school program. Something that requires all of me and not just the parts that I let God have now and then.
I want Him to have it all. I just want to be along for the ride.
So this will change me. And it will probably eventually change my employment. And it will probably change my whole life in some fascinating and maybe some difficult ways, but more so this summer than any other I felt God's call to help His children. To be there for them. How that is going to look, I don't know. Where that happens is another big question mark. However, I have never been more ready for anything in my life than I have been for this these past few weeks. Being at camp has been such a confirmation of that. Not just from this year, but also last year. Looking back at the events of last summer I now see a plan and a purpose.
It is exciting. :)
So, yeah. Home I go next Wednesday to rejoin my regularly scheduled life and begin to sort through and process what this new direction is going to look like. I am open to all possibilities. I look forward to catching up with friends and seeing how those relationship will grow and change. I look forward to rejoining Joppa and getting reacquainted with friends there. I look forward to getting back into the swing of helping plan YATEC and beginning another school year. But mostly, I look forward to seeing what God has on the horizon. Friends, it is going to be an interesting year. God bless.
21 July 2011
A New Direction???
Hello friends! It has been a fun summer. Right now I am sitting in Spruce (the staff lounge) and listening to some "Manifesto" by The City Harmonic as people around me play cards and check e-mail/Facebook. I hear laughing and talking and an occasional strange noise from my friend Brad. This is a good group and it is a good day. This is my new normal.
In about 12 days this journey of the summer will come to an end. We will pack our cars, clean our cabins for the last time and go our separate ways. It will be sad to leave this family we have created, but exciting to pick back up with things at home.
Oh yes.
And I have to say, I am ready for whatever He has for me. And I am excited to see what that is.
In about 12 days this journey of the summer will come to an end. We will pack our cars, clean our cabins for the last time and go our separate ways. It will be sad to leave this family we have created, but exciting to pick back up with things at home.
Oh yes.
And I have to say, I am ready for whatever He has for me. And I am excited to see what that is.
18 July 2011
Two Weeks from now......
Wow this summer has gone by ever so quickly. We are now four camps and two weeks from the end. Jamboree was a blast, but it was sure good to get back into our cabins and sleep on beds in the air conditioning. The heat these past two days has been unbearable, but thankfully we have coffee shops with wireless internet around here! I am spending the day in Cloquet in hopes of spending time with two of my favorite girls. We shall see. For now I am just thankful for a nice, cool place to sit and type.
So, in two weeks I will be back to my regularly scheduled life. I am not sure I am ready for that yet. I am a little closer to ready than I was yesterday. I am just not sure I am ready to head back into the routine of an entire school year, even though I know that once I get into the routine it will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do the nine months of the school year. I do. However, I do believe that God is tugging my heart and passion in another direction and that is exciting and scary all at the same. We shall see what this school year brings as He draws me ever nearer to His plan and purpose for me and where He is leading. I am ready, Lord. Wherever. Whenever. However. I am available and willing.
Equip this servant, Lord.
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." -Hebrews 10:39
So, in two weeks I will be back to my regularly scheduled life. I am not sure I am ready for that yet. I am a little closer to ready than I was yesterday. I am just not sure I am ready to head back into the routine of an entire school year, even though I know that once I get into the routine it will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do the nine months of the school year. I do. However, I do believe that God is tugging my heart and passion in another direction and that is exciting and scary all at the same. We shall see what this school year brings as He draws me ever nearer to His plan and purpose for me and where He is leading. I am ready, Lord. Wherever. Whenever. However. I am available and willing.
Equip this servant, Lord.
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." -Hebrews 10:39
14 July 2011
Jamboree!!!!
Oh friends, it has been a fun week. This week at camp, Northwoods is hosting Territorial Jamboree. Basically what that means is that ten divisions from the Central Territory are camping at Northwoods for a week of fun. We have people here from Iowa, South Dakota, North Dakota, Missouri, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska and Kansas. It is somewhere around 400 people on camp for seven days. Three of us counselors have been placed with the Northern Division (which is where Northwoods is) and all of the other counselors have been placed within the other divisions. So far it has been great fun and I have met some really great people. We have some incredible kids in the Northern Division. Goodness, there are great kids everywhere! I have also been able to see some old friends from last year and just have time to really enjoy this week.
Along with all of the other Jamboree participants, 3/4 of the Northwoods staff is tenting. I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I have so far. The weather has been so bi-polar this entire week. We have gone from blazing hot to cold to hot again this weekend. It is bearable, though. Audre, Mertie and I came prepared with an electric fan so that we could have some air circulation when it does start getting too uncomfortable to sleep. Woot! It's funny, but I have actually preferred tenting out this week. I will, however, be very excited to see my counselor cabin again and have consistent showers.
After that, we have four camps left and then we are done. It is so bittersweet. This has been such a great summer and I will be sad to see it end. It's not over yet! I plan to enjoy these next two weeks as much as humanly possible. :) Being at Northwoods this summer has given me so much to think about and has really revealed places in my life that I really need to work on. God is constantly refining and restoring areas of my life that I once thought impossible to see restoration in. I have been able to redefine those areas using the truth of God's Word.
It's been a wonderful summer. :)
Peace, friends.
04 July 2011
Camp....week ? They all blend together
Hey friends! Welcome to this blog post. A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Lets see if I can catch you up on some of it.
So far we have had Service Extensive Teens and Kids camps and Music Camp. Tomorrow we start Troop Camp and then it is Jamboree. Jamboree will bring 500 people to Northwoods for a solid week. We will all be tenting out with the different divisions of the Salvation Army that are coming. It will be an interesting week and I am sure I will be elated to see a bed again at the end of it. :)
This past weekend we had our four-day staff retreat. On Friday we boarded the awesome coach bus and headed to Harmony, MN to go and explore Niagara Cave. It was amazing! Lots and lots and lots of steps, but worth every second. It was around 45 degrees in the cave and 90 degrees outside. After we took the cave tour, we panned for precious stones and got to keep what we found. It was a fun experience. We finished the day off by stopping at McDonald's for supper and then headed back to camp.
Saturday we went to Duluth and boarded a train that took us to Two Harbors via the scenic North Shore road. We then got to spend two hours exploring Two Harbors, got back on the train and headed back to Duluth. It was really warm on the train, but it was a beautiful trip. We ended that night by eating at Grandma's in Canal Park and had an hour and a half to explore Canal Park before boarding the bus to go back to camp.
Sunday morning we worshiped at camp, celebrated Ellie's 5th birthday and then headed to the Mall of America. It was pretty fun. I walked around the mall by myself, went to a movie (Cars 2) and did some shopping. We boarded the bus in the evening and headed back to camp once again. Once back, a few of us sat and watched Stranger Than Fiction and called it a night.
Today (Monday), we participated in the Finlayson Parade. It was SO HOT! Once the parade was over, we came back to camp and had a pool day. I am uber sunburnt but had a great time grilling by the pool and swimming. It was a perfect end to a really fantastic staff retreat.
Now we gear up for another camp in the morning and embark on our last month together here at Northwoods Camp. One thing I am looking forward to about coming home is sleeping in my own bed. I definitely miss it! I know, that's sad. I also miss all of you! :)
Alright, that is all for now! Have a great week, everyone, and happy 4th of July! :)
So far we have had Service Extensive Teens and Kids camps and Music Camp. Tomorrow we start Troop Camp and then it is Jamboree. Jamboree will bring 500 people to Northwoods for a solid week. We will all be tenting out with the different divisions of the Salvation Army that are coming. It will be an interesting week and I am sure I will be elated to see a bed again at the end of it. :)
This past weekend we had our four-day staff retreat. On Friday we boarded the awesome coach bus and headed to Harmony, MN to go and explore Niagara Cave. It was amazing! Lots and lots and lots of steps, but worth every second. It was around 45 degrees in the cave and 90 degrees outside. After we took the cave tour, we panned for precious stones and got to keep what we found. It was a fun experience. We finished the day off by stopping at McDonald's for supper and then headed back to camp.
Saturday we went to Duluth and boarded a train that took us to Two Harbors via the scenic North Shore road. We then got to spend two hours exploring Two Harbors, got back on the train and headed back to Duluth. It was really warm on the train, but it was a beautiful trip. We ended that night by eating at Grandma's in Canal Park and had an hour and a half to explore Canal Park before boarding the bus to go back to camp.
Sunday morning we worshiped at camp, celebrated Ellie's 5th birthday and then headed to the Mall of America. It was pretty fun. I walked around the mall by myself, went to a movie (Cars 2) and did some shopping. We boarded the bus in the evening and headed back to camp once again. Once back, a few of us sat and watched Stranger Than Fiction and called it a night.
Today (Monday), we participated in the Finlayson Parade. It was SO HOT! Once the parade was over, we came back to camp and had a pool day. I am uber sunburnt but had a great time grilling by the pool and swimming. It was a perfect end to a really fantastic staff retreat.
Now we gear up for another camp in the morning and embark on our last month together here at Northwoods Camp. One thing I am looking forward to about coming home is sleeping in my own bed. I definitely miss it! I know, that's sad. I also miss all of you! :)
Alright, that is all for now! Have a great week, everyone, and happy 4th of July! :)
25 June 2011
Camp- Week Three
Hi everyone! Just me again back to update on camp. We are officially done with week three at camp, and camp #2 is done. Music camp was amazing. The kids were awesome and it was great to see how God moved throughout their lives. It was our longest camp from Saturday to Saturday and we were all glad to see it come to an end, but it was a great week and now we have a whole day off tomorrow to recover.
During the week I developed quite the awesome upper respiratory problem, also know as a cold. I am still feeling pretty icky but have a day to sleep and get caught up on some necessary rest.
During this summer we are focusing on the fruits of the Spirit and the one that has been hitting me a lot lately has been patience. He is constantly and slowly developing this fruit in my life, but it has been a very slow and somewhat painful process. Patience is definitely something that is tested when you are working with kids at a summer camp, but I believe that He has put me in those specific instances that have developed that in me.
At the end of this coming week they are taking us on a four-day staff retreat over the 4th of July. I am excited to have that time to get out and have fun with the staff away from camp.
So, all in all camp is going well. There have been a few bumps in the road, but God is greater. We certainly do worship a mighty and awesome God. :)
Have a great day, everyone! God bless you all!
During the week I developed quite the awesome upper respiratory problem, also know as a cold. I am still feeling pretty icky but have a day to sleep and get caught up on some necessary rest.
During this summer we are focusing on the fruits of the Spirit and the one that has been hitting me a lot lately has been patience. He is constantly and slowly developing this fruit in my life, but it has been a very slow and somewhat painful process. Patience is definitely something that is tested when you are working with kids at a summer camp, but I believe that He has put me in those specific instances that have developed that in me.
At the end of this coming week they are taking us on a four-day staff retreat over the 4th of July. I am excited to have that time to get out and have fun with the staff away from camp.
So, all in all camp is going well. There have been a few bumps in the road, but God is greater. We certainly do worship a mighty and awesome God. :)
Have a great day, everyone! God bless you all!
17 June 2011
Camp. Week Dos.
Camp 1 is done. Service Extension Teen Camp went SO WELL!!! My cabin was incredible and I had some really good discussions with some of the campers during devotions every night. We got to build boats out of cardboard and race them in the pool, witnessed an amazing show by a family that can ride unicycles and spin basketballs, had a reptile handler come in and show us some snakes and lizards and had an awesome campfire last night. What a great week and what a great opportunity to speak life into the lives of these young people!
We have a little less than 24 hours off and then we start eight days of Music Camp. This is one of our two long camps for the summer.
So far, camp life is good. Our first camp went very well and the staff seems to be a very cohesive group. I am so honored to be working with the staff that is here for the summer and am excited to see what God is going to do in the lives of each person here.
So far, so good. :)
And if you get the chance, read Joshua 1:9. It's pretty amazing. God bless friends!
We have a little less than 24 hours off and then we start eight days of Music Camp. This is one of our two long camps for the summer.
So far, camp life is good. Our first camp went very well and the staff seems to be a very cohesive group. I am so honored to be working with the staff that is here for the summer and am excited to see what God is going to do in the lives of each person here.
So far, so good. :)
And if you get the chance, read Joshua 1:9. It's pretty amazing. God bless friends!
12 June 2011
Camp- Week One Done
Hi everyone! We are now officially done with our first week of camp. It has been a great week of orientation with lots of activities. We have done low ropes, hiking at Banning, field games and a plethora of training with CPR/First Aid, Safe From Harm and other things. What a great way to start!
Everyone seems to be getting along really well so far.
Right now part of the camp staff is working on a rules video and it is hilarious. When it is done and posted, I will post it to Facebook for your viewing enjoyment. We have a very talented staff and I am super excited to work with them this summer! :)
We start our first camp on Monday with Service Extension Teen Camp. This is one of my favorites and I am excited to meet new campers and see some familiar faces as well. What an honor to be able to serve in this capacity this summer. Pray that God would be glorified in all we do!
Our first official day off is June 26th. I am already contemplating coming home that Saturday night and attending church on Sunday, but I have to see how I feel after music camp. It would be fun to come home and see everyone, though.
Anyway, all is well here at Northwoods Camp. He has us all here for a specific plan and purpose and it will be exciting to see that revealed throughout the summer. I already broke my "no Facebook" rule so I will be posting this to Facebook.
Until I have the chance to write again, have a great week or two friends! May Christ be exalted in all you do! :)
Everyone seems to be getting along really well so far.
Right now part of the camp staff is working on a rules video and it is hilarious. When it is done and posted, I will post it to Facebook for your viewing enjoyment. We have a very talented staff and I am super excited to work with them this summer! :)
We start our first camp on Monday with Service Extension Teen Camp. This is one of my favorites and I am excited to meet new campers and see some familiar faces as well. What an honor to be able to serve in this capacity this summer. Pray that God would be glorified in all we do!
Our first official day off is June 26th. I am already contemplating coming home that Saturday night and attending church on Sunday, but I have to see how I feel after music camp. It would be fun to come home and see everyone, though.
Anyway, all is well here at Northwoods Camp. He has us all here for a specific plan and purpose and it will be exciting to see that revealed throughout the summer. I already broke my "no Facebook" rule so I will be posting this to Facebook.
Until I have the chance to write again, have a great week or two friends! May Christ be exalted in all you do! :)
10 June 2011
No more Facebook???
Hey kids. I am now at camp for the summer and when I have time I will be updating from here. Not on Facebook.
I have decided that Facebook is way too distracting when I am here at camp. I can't be here and back home all at once. My mind can't be pulled in that many directions.
However, please be in prayer. Specifically for:
1) That camp staff would continue to bond as well as we have been
2) That the kids would feel the very real love of Jesus as they enter this camp
3) That our hearts and minds would be here and not elsewhere
4) That it would be a good, positive, God-centered summer
5) For other friends who are traveling and being light to others during the summer
6) For God to be the center of everything we do
A good camp quote:
"I like Jon Foreman."
"I like George Foreman. He made my cooking experience easier." -Stevan Crowell
Anyway, thanks for the prayers everyone. I just pray that God would be glorified this summer and that lives would be changed radically in Jesus. I pray that would happen not only for the campers but for the staff as well.
Thanks everyone! I will see you in August. :)
I have decided that Facebook is way too distracting when I am here at camp. I can't be here and back home all at once. My mind can't be pulled in that many directions.
However, please be in prayer. Specifically for:
1) That camp staff would continue to bond as well as we have been
2) That the kids would feel the very real love of Jesus as they enter this camp
3) That our hearts and minds would be here and not elsewhere
4) That it would be a good, positive, God-centered summer
5) For other friends who are traveling and being light to others during the summer
6) For God to be the center of everything we do
A good camp quote:
"I like Jon Foreman."
"I like George Foreman. He made my cooking experience easier." -Stevan Crowell
Anyway, thanks for the prayers everyone. I just pray that God would be glorified this summer and that lives would be changed radically in Jesus. I pray that would happen not only for the campers but for the staff as well.
Thanks everyone! I will see you in August. :)
30 May 2011
The Ever Changing
The changing of the seasons
The changing of the tides
The changing of this moment
Change always by and by
Ever moving forward
Constant moving beyond
Never staying the same
Never for very long
Life just keeps on pushing
Keeps on running, keeps on track
Things lost in the process
Things one can't get back
Ever lost in motion
Lost in moment, lost in thought
Ever seeking seconds
Running after what is sought
Don't you ever wish?
Ever pray, ever hope?
Ever want time just to slow down
Just long enough to cope?
Just one more day with a loved one
One more second with a friend
A few more moments with your dear ones
A little more time before the end
Just a little breathing room
A life less filled with things
Time to just be in the moment
A time to stand and sing
Praising God the Father
Raising weary hands
Reaching out for rescue
Begging for strength to stand
Knowing help is coming
It is here, it is now
Knowing He stands with you
Even when you don't know how
Change is a coming
It is constant, it is near
But change is not so scary
When you have your Savior here
28 May 2011
He Only Takes The Best
"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day." -Psalm 46:1-5
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day." -Psalm 46:1-5
In the past two weeks, my Uncle Kenny lost his battle with liver cancer and passed away last Tuesday. My dear friend Natalie's mom passed away this afternoon. It has been a hard two weeks all around.
It has got me thinking so much lately about life and death. How quickly our loved ones are gone and how much we take for granted. My heart aches for Natalie as I have also lost a parent. It is hard and my heart goes out to her. My heart also goes out to my cousins who now have to deal with their dad's absence and the void that is left there.
My prayers and my thoughts are with all of you tonight who have experienced loss at any level. You are not alone. Others mourn and grieve with you. God is embracing you in strong arms to bring you comfort and peace. His heart aches with you and He cries for you. He feels this all as deeply as you do and He wants you to know tonight that He knows and He understands.
Will you let Him in?
I received this poem in an e-mail on the anniversary of my mom's passing and thought I would share it with you. God bless you tonight and be comforted by the love that can come only from the One who loves you best.
"He Only Takes The Best"
God watched you as you suffered, and knew you had your share.
He gently closed your weary eyes and took you in His care.
He gently closed your weary eyes and took you in His care.
Your memory is our keepsake, with that we will never part.
God has you in His keeping, we have you in our hearts.
God has you in His keeping, we have you in our hearts.
Nothing could be more beautiful than the memories we have of you.
To us you were someone special. God must have thought so too.
To us you were someone special. God must have thought so too.
All our lives we shall miss you, as the years come and go,
but in our hearts you will live forever. Because we love you so.
but in our hearts you will live forever. Because we love you so.
God saw you were getting tired, and a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around you and whispered "Come with Me".
So He put His arms around you and whispered "Come with Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer and fade away.
Although we loved you dearly, you were not meant to stay.
Although we loved you dearly, you were not meant to stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard- working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best!
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best!
10 May 2011
Camp Is Coming
It's Tuesday. A normal Tuesday like any other. I have a little break in between my Title 1 kids and I have a few moments to think ahead at what summer holds. It has been on my mind constantly since YATEC concluded.
Camp.
Oy.
Don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about going back to camp for the summer. I am excited to see friends, to be back at camp itself and to see children radically changed because of the saving power of Jesus Christ. It is going to be an impactful summer and I am stoked about what God is going to do through all of us as we minister to the lost and hurting kids of the Salvation Army.
I am concerned that I am not prepared. I definitely was not prepared for what happened last summer. It was an amazing summer but I came back a jumbled up mess of emotions. I closed myself off from friends and alienated myself from everyone else. It was not a good way to come home.
I am PRAYING that I am more prepared for this year. I know more of what I am stepping into. I have a better idea of the challenges that face all of us as we start another year of camp counseling at Northwoods.
Dear Lord, please help me to lead effectively, know when to get out of Your way and come home more peaceful and less anxious. Help me to stand up against those things that brought me down last year and to stand on Your Truth, Your love and Your joy through any and all situations. Help me to reach out and utilize the amazing support system You have placed around me this year. God, You are amazing. Please help me to honor You in the best way I know how and to continue to honor You as I bring these experiences home with me in August. You know the plans You have for me and I am trusting and believing in Your will for my life. Thank You, Jesus, for being my rock, my strength and my portion. Amen.
"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me." -Psalm 63:1-8
Camp.
Oy.
Don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about going back to camp for the summer. I am excited to see friends, to be back at camp itself and to see children radically changed because of the saving power of Jesus Christ. It is going to be an impactful summer and I am stoked about what God is going to do through all of us as we minister to the lost and hurting kids of the Salvation Army.
I am concerned that I am not prepared. I definitely was not prepared for what happened last summer. It was an amazing summer but I came back a jumbled up mess of emotions. I closed myself off from friends and alienated myself from everyone else. It was not a good way to come home.
I am PRAYING that I am more prepared for this year. I know more of what I am stepping into. I have a better idea of the challenges that face all of us as we start another year of camp counseling at Northwoods.
Dear Lord, please help me to lead effectively, know when to get out of Your way and come home more peaceful and less anxious. Help me to stand up against those things that brought me down last year and to stand on Your Truth, Your love and Your joy through any and all situations. Help me to reach out and utilize the amazing support system You have placed around me this year. God, You are amazing. Please help me to honor You in the best way I know how and to continue to honor You as I bring these experiences home with me in August. You know the plans You have for me and I am trusting and believing in Your will for my life. Thank You, Jesus, for being my rock, my strength and my portion. Amen.
"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me." -Psalm 63:1-8
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