Holding Patterns

I am in a holding pattern....for now.

Four months ago I scheduled an appointment with my oncology office. They told me when the appointment was scheduled that it was an appointment with Dr. Casey, my oncologist. As the appointment crept closer, reminder emails through the office's online portal kept reminding me: "You have an appointment on April 11, 2019, with Dr. C. Casey at 11:00 AM." I was convinced I was having an appointment with my oncologist on April 11, 2019.

Then yesterday happened. I show up to the appointment early, because weather, fill out some forms, and find out once I am in the back that I am not, in fact, seeing Dr. Casey for my oncology appointment. I am, however, seeing a nurse practitioner, for a routine follow-up of the surgery that was performed in December. Needless to say, I was...shocked? Confused? Baffled? MANY reminder emails. Three reminder phone calls. All of which reminding me to show up to my appointment WITH DR. CASEY. Nope. This was not that appointment.

So, when do I see Dr. Casey? In three months. IN THREE MORE MONTHS. 

I sat with this yesterday for a while, deciding what to do with this information. I allowed myself a solid 24-hour period to throw my 5-year old temper tantrum. I was pretty angry and upset. I had built that appointment up, thinking that I was going to get some answers. Knowing that won't come for three more months felt like every bad dad joke put on a cd, stuck in a cd player, put on repeat, and rigged so you can't get it back out and are doomed to listen to it for the rest of your natural born life.

Too much? You're welcome. I don't love that analogy, but it took me a while to type it out so I'm going to leave it there.

The more I thought about this, though, the more positives I started to see in it.

1). I haven't hit my goal weight yet. I have three extra months to get there. That's actually pretty nice.
2). I get to go with the CMCS elementary D.I. team to Kansas City for Globals, which is pretty fantastic! I can't wait!
3). I have the month of May pretty wide open. Anyone have some work for me? Poor college student. Will work.
4). I'm not going to have to stress about surgery yet. That was actually a big stress I wasn't wanting to take on right now. I was willing to, but not ready for it.
5). I have more time to pack. More time to move. More time to actually figure life out. It's good.

This isn't altogether a bad thing.

I am just hoping that this holding pattern is easier to deal with than the last holding pattern I was in. I think it will be. There won't be as much stress as the last one (I hope). It's also shorter. Three months instead of four. I am doing my best to find all of the optimism that can be found. I think I am getting there.

Friends, there are going to still be days when that optimism won't be there. There are still going to be days when hiding from the world and crying is going to be my best bet for the day. I hear that's pretty normal. However, I am trying to stay away from that as much as I can. I'm trying my best to not be whiny and complain and be a downer about everything. I'm trying.

In the end, it's all going to be okay. Is it still frustrating? Yes. Is it manageable? Yes. Does God got it? Absolutely. He always does. Why should I worry when the One who holds the universe is holding my future as well? Yeah, reassurance that He's got it already is pretty awesome. Why we ever doubt Him is beyond me.

So, friends, that is the latest. Again, thank you all for your continued prayer and support. I couldn't do it without you. :) Have a blessed day.