When Food Feels Like the Enemy

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Lao Tzu

These past few months have been quite a journey, my friends. 

So, part of the stipulation of my being able to get the surgery I need to remove the cancer in my body is that I have to lose 100 lbs to do so. So far, 40 lbs of that has been shed. So far. 

What I didn't realize was the mental battle that I would face head-on when I took on this challenge. At first, it wasn't too bad. The massive amounts of hormones I was on to keep me from bleeding were messing up my stomach, so my appetite wasn't there anyway. I wasn't hungry, wasn't eating more than one meal a day, and was losing weight without even trying. They were also messing with my sense of taste, so sweet things were too sweet and drinking caffeinated anything made me super jittery, so those things came out of my diet pretty easily.

After my first procedure when I was taken off the hormones, things started leveling off. My dietician and nutritionist put me on a high protein, low carb program, consuming 1,200-1,400 calories/day.  This was when it started getting harder. I was overly conscious of everything I was putting in my mouth. I second guessed every food choice. Analyzed every calorie, every carb, everything that I was allowing myself to eat during the day. I was afraid that EVERYTHING I would eat was putting weight back on instead of taking it off. It became a game in my head every single day and instead of food becoming this source of nutrition and energy, it became this enemy that I felt like I was constantly fighting to keep weight off in a fight against cancer I can't do anything about. It's really easy to let the enemy of your soul in when your defenses are down.  

Through God's Word, I have been trying to change the way I think about my body and its relationship with food. When I view my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, instead of food being the enemy I fight against, I have to think of it as the ally that is helping me in the fight to rid my body of the invader that doesn't belong there. We are a team, and the only way that it works is if we work together. This is way easier said than done most days, but it gets a little easier each day I change my thinking to a team mentality. I am a work in progress. Slow and steady, but a work in progress. 

I have a long ways to go, friends. My next appointment with my dietician and nutritionist is February 14 (a fun Valentine's Day treat for me). My goal is to be down another ten pounds by then. My next oncology appointment is April 11 (my sister-in-law's birthday), which I am hoping and praying that I am down enough weight wise to finally set a surgery date.  

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race that is marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..." -Hebrews 12:1-2a (NIV).

I want to run this race well, but I know that it is a marathon, not a sprint. God has been so faithful in protecting my heart and my mind from the enemy. He knows what I need and how to redirect the path of my thoughts. I am grateful for your prayers, your encouragement, and your support, friends. It means the world to me. What a ride, but I can't imagine taking this ride without God directing it. Here's to the next leg of the journey. Ready...set...