An Update

Hello, friends. I have tried a couple of different times to write this up and post it, but I just don't feel like I have the words sometimes. I figured I owed you a real post, though, instead of the Facebook things I have been posting. I also need to let you in on what is going on. I can't do this by myself. It is foolish of me to think that I can. 

First off, thank you to all of you who are praying, sent cards, and have just generally been awesome from the very beginning of this journey. It's not a journey I wanted, but it's the one I find myself on. You are wonderful traveling companions and I am grateful for all of you even if I am slow in responding and actually saying thank you. 

Okay, let's get down to it. The most relevant thing at this point is how I am feeling. Physically, I have up and down days. Recently, the fatigue, bleeding, and pain has been intense so I have been home. The medication that I am on has stopped being effective, but unfortunately, I have to ride it out until December 13. On December 13, I will have a procedure where they perform a D and C (dilation and curettage) and place an IUD in my uterus to see if we can stop the excessive bleeding and pain so I can do what I need to do for surgery. Hopefully, I will get some of my energy back as that has been a real issue lately. It is a good day when I make it out of the house to get groceries or just drive around just to get out of the house. A lot of the fatigue is caused by the cancer, but it is also a combination of the medication and its reaction to my thyroid meds. I feel like sometimes we are just guessing at what will work, but when we get it right, it's awesome. 

I spoke with my professors and I am finishing the semester online. I have a few papers to turn in and my Composition class is able to submit their final projects to me through our school's online learning platform. One more week and I should be done with this semester. Thank goodness. Next semester is still up in the air. I have tossed around the idea of transferring to a college closer to home. I have made no decision one way or another yet.

Emotionally, I feel like I am on a rollercoaster. I find myself really frustrated when answers aren't clear and I have no idea what is happening in my body. I get really angry sometimes because, well, cancer. Sometimes I just sit and cry because I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I just want a hug and someone to just let me talk it through. Words are hard to find to explain stuff sometimes. Words for me have never really been difficult, but they seem impossible lately. I'm trying to be super positive and upbeat because I feel like that is what is expected, but there are days when that is not the case. But I do try. And I just want to go home. I want to be with my family and friends and not hours and hours away in Bemidji. It is really lonely sometimes, and this is not the time for me to be isolated. Welcome to 40, right?  

And then the medical bills start rolling in. I wonder if they understand I am a graduate assistant? I'm not sure where this magic money is coming from, but one step at a time. I didn't ask to get sick, but I am certainly paying for it. I have looked into other ways to pay for these bills, so hopefully, some of that research will help to alleviate some of the stress coming from that. 

So at the end of all of this explanation, God is there. He always has been and always will be. In moments when I just can't do anything but cry, He is the comfort and peace that overwhelm me and assure me that for that moment, I am okay. I always seem to land on Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” He is fighting my battle. He is my strength when I have none. He is my joy when despair wants to overtake me. He wipes away those tears that seem to come from nowhere and reminds me that I am His. One step at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time.

So that's the latest. Prayer is powerful, friends. I have a lot of appointments and stuff coming in the next two weeks so I would appreciate the prayers and if you want to send a card or something, that would be awesome. I like getting mail! My address is: 

Lori Olivier
5125 Sherman Dr. NE Apt. A
Bemidji, MN 56601

Thank you, everyone. I appreciate you all more than you could possibly know. God has certainly blessed me with a wonderful community of people and I am forever grateful for that. I love you very much, dear ones.