Good evening, friends. What a day. The only word that I can use to describe it is...emotional.
Joppa is a young adult ministry that I have been an active part of for the past nine years. It is an amazing tool of God to reach the young adults of West Central Minnesota. I thought I would be a part of this ministry forever.
But God has another plan.
After being away from it for a month and a half, I went back last night. I was excited and a bit nervous. I wasn't sure what to expect really. I just knew that God had given me the go ahead to attend, so I went.
I was excited to be back...at first. As the night wore on, however, I started to feel this sense that I was not where I belonged. I sat way up in the back and looked down at the crazy, awesome young adults that make up this beloved ministry. And I am pretty sure I didn't hear a word of what the speaker said.
I was struggling because I knew something that I didn't want to voice because then I would have to accept one very real fact: that God was moving me on from Joppa. He was asking me to lay down something very precious to me. A place of refuge and family for me. He was asking me to walk away and trust Him.
As I sat there a million memories and the faces of nine years of Joppa people flooded my mind and I tried to stuff back down the tears that were starting to form. I had been praying and asking God for a month and a half what my future in this ministry was. I was finally getting an answer and it felt like I was getting sucker punched in the gut.
During prayer time, a friend of mine asked me, "so, are you glad to be back?" And that's when I let it all out. I told them that God had confirmed to me that indeed I was moving out of this season of Joppa. I expressed my fear of being forgotten once I was gone. I told them that I felt like Joppa had been this baby that I had nurtured and cared for and I was finally having to let it go and watch that kid go off to college and trust that God knew what He was doing. I was reassured that my community would still be there for me. I needed to hear that.
I knew. I was done. And then I went to Applebee's.
At first I couldn't find a seat, so I just stood behind people listening, taking it all in. Then I finally secured a position and let myself relax a little, listen to the conversation around me. Smiled at the laughter and just took a look around at this group of people that God had assembled. I said a silent prayer of thanks for Him allowing me the honor of being a part of this ministry for so long. I genuinely love these people. It makes my heart leap when I hear them talking about Jesus. When I hear them laughing with one another. When I see family being family in Christ.
The evening wore down, and after a few more people telling me they were glad I was back, I knew I needed to leave. I didn't have the heart to say I wouldn't be back. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I said nothing, but politely smiled. A few goodbyes and I was walking out the door, knowing that life wouldn't really be the same again.
The most amazing thing about this is how much peace I have. I have been a wreck most of the day, but even through the emotions I have had deep peace. I sent a letter to the leadership team tendering my resignation from leadership. I practically balled as I wrote the thing.
I feel like I am grieving. So many things have happened lately and so much of my life feels like it is in this state of constant change. But this, this is a huge part of my life. Tuesday's will never really be the same and I know that life will move forward and all of these wonderful people will still be there, but the dynamic will be different.
And I will miss them. I already do. But I also know that I am excited for where He will take me. And now I get to be in ministry at my place of employment. I am so grateful that God led me to Central. So grateful. And He is calling me to really step into a ministry that helps these kids to really know Jesus. Not just know about Him, but to KNOW Him. When I got out of the van this morning and was maneuvering through the little stampede of kids playing Lightening on the basketball court, I knew that this is where I am needed. This is where I am suppose to be.
This is right where I belong. I am excited for what the future holds. I am excited to be able to share my faith with these students. To not only be their librarian, but to be someone they can talk to. Someone they can trust, because once upon a time back in 2004, someone did the same thing for me.
So, to my Joppa friends...thank you. Thank you for your friendship. I am blessed by you all and excited to see how God is going to grow these relationships in the future. It has been a stellar nine years, and there are many more in store for this ministry. I am so excited to see what God is going to do through the ministry and through all of you! I am excited to see who God calls into leadership. It is always a blessing to see someone realize their identity in Christ and find their full potential in Him. I will be praying continually for you all. Don't worry, I will still be around. You know how to find me. :)
As for His plans for me, I say bring it on. I am excited and blessed to start this new season of life.
Because honestly, I want to live my life with integrity knowing that I did everything I could possible do to bring Him honor and glory above all things. To God alone be the glory and power through everything.
I am ready, God. I am ready. I trust You. Let's do this.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” -Isaiah 30:21 (NIV)
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