A Father's Love For His Broken Children

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39.

So a couple of days ago, on the way home from camp, I had a few things happen as I was making my way back. First off, my friends tagged my car. It was pretty entertaining. It was alot of inside jokes and things that I could laugh at and remember as good camp memories. I decided to drive my car home like that because I thought it was fine. Apparently Minnesota's motorists didn't think so. I got flicked off twice on the way home, which had me so concerned about why that I pulled off at a gas station near St. Cloud and washed it (of course taking pictures before I washed it). It wasn't that big of a deal, but I never have the bird flown against me ever, so it felt like I was being targeted, which I didn't appreciate. That was incident #1.

The second happened at Wal-Mart on Sunday, the day after I got home. I was just there to get groceries. That was it. I was minding my own business, going about getting what was on my grocery list when I started hearing people talking behind me. In Spanish. I am not stupid. I know what certain words mean in spanish even if they think I am naive enough not to understand (that and I came home and looked them up).

I am not going to repeat what I heard. It's not worth it. But those words have stuck with me since then. It is now Thursday. I should have forgotten by now, but last night was not a good night. I have always been a self conscious person...always. I never for one second forget what makes me different from all of the thin and pretty girls around me. Guys don't let me forget it, either, whether they realize it or not.

I definitely felt that last night.

I was so upset. So angry and frustrated. So tired of people being so superficial and not seeing the awesomeness that can be inside someone.

I am certain that I have blogged about this before. It doesn't make it any easier or any better to deal with.

Especially when there is a guy you care about that you know will never see you that way because of what you look like. That's the part that kills me.

But God loves me. He always will. He created me in His image. I held onto Romans 8:35-39 last night. I kept repeating it and saying it out loud. I prayed it and screamed it and cried through it and sobbed it as I remembered and let God comfort me through the doubt and the hurt and the uncertainty and the anger. I said it over and over and over again until His peace settled in my heart and rested in those places of my mind that wouldn't have been convinced otherwise that I was worth being loved.

God is amazing, friends. He loves me through this struggle. I have great, great, great friends who do, too. But I am sure the battle is not over. As long as there is sin and spite in the world, I will continue to hear mean things from people. It happens. But I have the armor of God to protect me. The love of a Father who went to the Cross for me and won (and would have done it again if I were the only one left). The protection of the Lord that covers me in all situations and in all circumstances.

And perhaps someday He will bring the right guy who will see past this frumpy exterior to the real beauty that shines from a heart that beats for Jesus. Perhaps.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1