This has been quite a year, let me tell you. Wow. So many changes. Here's my homage to 2013.
#1 Weight Loss- This year I decided that it was time to get healthy. Time to shed some weight. It was time. So, since March I have lost 40 lbs. I thought it would be more, but no one ever really prepares you for the mental battle of losing weight after having it for so long. The physical part was easy....walking, eating right. That stuff was simple. However, the emotional toll that it has taken, the mental retraining that has to happen is so hard. Years and years of repressing feelings with food and telling myself blatant lies that I started to buy into as truth started surfacing making the struggle way more real than I felt comfortable dealing with. But right now, this is where I am. Maintaining and letting God overwrite those areas of lies with the light and beauty of His truth about me. Knowing that I stand on a place of victory and that 2014 is going to see more of those lbs coming off and a more confident and grounded me emerging. I can't wait. This journey has been hard, but I have a God who can do immeasurably more than I could ever comprehend. Let the healing continue.
#2 A New Position- I was blessed to be put into a full-time position at school as librarian for 4k-12. Let me tell you, this has been quite the transition but one that I have been thankful to be a part of. We built part of our new school and with all of that change we all needed to get used to each other. It's been challenging. Some days have been tougher than others. However, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else and I am grateful to God for putting me where I am and growing me through my own insecurities. I am learning day by day, step by step that I don't have to have it all figured out. He already has it figured out and I need to trust that completely. I need to throw my own agenda aside.
#3 Stepping Out of Ministry- Joppa is a beautiful ministry. It is a wonderful place for young adults to go to build community with one another and to do life together. I was a part of the ministry for ten years. After a decade of membership, God and I decided it was time to step away. He was calling me to be a part of this new experience and all of the change going on at CMCS so I took my leave. Joppa will always have a very special place in my heart. And who knows, maybe one day I will go back to it. I can't say that with certainty because I don't know what God has planned for me. Joppa will continue to be a refuge for young adults who are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in this crazy, messed up world. Thank You, Lord, for the years I spent there and bless those who are still there lighting the path for others to see You more clearly. As far as YATEC, the jury is still out on that one. All I know is where He has me, and that is more than enough right now.
#4 Camp, Camp, Camp- It was another wonderful summer at camp. It's so weird because I feel like I have this whole other life with this whole other group of friends apart from my life in Prinsburg. Sometimes I feel like a secret agent with double lives. I am blessed by the kids I get to hang out with, the staff that I get to know, and even though problems come and things don't always go the way we think they should it is NOT the end of the world. Life moves on. Unfortunately, since we all live so far away from each other, it's hard to keep in touch. But maybe a few of them will resurface again this summer and for two months of the year we will have this incredible experience known as Northwoods Camp.
#5 Faith and Life- I would be lying if I said this year was easy. It was not. I have definitely had moments where I questioned what He was doing in my life. I have definitely questioned why certain things happened and wondered what I could possibly learn from them. I have had moments when I felt so distant from Him and wondered where He went. He didn't leave, though. I did. I wandered away and needed my Shepherd to come and get me. Yet again, God is sovereign. He is also extremely patient. He knows my struggles and He knew I needed someone to be able to walk alongside of me. This year, I found a mentor. She is incredible and I am blessed. God continually shows me His goodness and love through her. It's His family and it is pretty awesome. I am also really enjoying my church family. Instead of just showing up on Sunday's I find that I want to be more actively involved. I want to contribute the talents and gifts He has has blessed me with. I want to be an active participant in the body of Christ. I think God has used this year so that He could get my priorities straight. And He will continue to do that because I am stubborn and selfish. I am sure it will take a few more Holy Spirit conks to this thick head to remind me of His plan. Slow process? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.
#6 Family- I love my family. Big changes happened this year. My youngest brother moved to South Korea AND got married. I gained a new sister-in-law this year! My niece and nephew are growing up far too fast. They are so precious and I am blessed that God put them in our family. They bring so much joy to us all. There is still struggle with my second oldest brother, however. I pray one day he will remember that we are his family and want to come back and be with us. For now, though, he is so angry and defiant. God can change his heart. I just know it. My oldest brother and sister-in-law are doing well. They are in the process of remodeling their kitchen. My dad and step mom are doing fairly well. Elke just had another hip replacement surgery so she is still recovering from that. My dad is still trucking and is switching companies again so that he can be closer to home with a more consistent schedule. He isn't a spring chicken anymore and we would like to see him off the road and retired. But that's not my dad. He can't just sit at home and do nothing. If he is at home for too long he might knock a wall out and try remodeling the house...which doesn't need remodeling. My step family is also doing well. We all were able to have Thanksgiving together this year. I really enjoy talking with my stepsister, Heidi. I think we could be good friends. Such is my family. And I am grateful for them.
It's been a year of ups and downs. Walking away from familiarity and into uncertainty. But really, why should we stay where we are comfortable? Doesn't God ask us to take a risk, step out of our comfort zone, and TRUST Him? I think that has been His big lesson for me this year. Trusting His will and the unknown that comes with that and laying aside what I think is best. His best for me will always trump anything I could think up.
Tonight I get to ring in the new year with friends. We will play games, eat foot, probably watch the ball drop and welcome in a new year.
So here's to 2014. 365 empty pages waiting to be filled. Full of great possibilities and adventures. God bless.
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