A Forever Kind of Love

It has been a while since I last updated this.  It is currently almost 1:00AM on Thursday, August 16th.  This is as good a time as any, right?

Wow, it has been a whirlwind summer.  It went so fast but it has been FANTASTIC.  I don't remember really ever having a summer so rewarding and so fulfilling as this one.  I think the reason it was so different is because I let control of my life go to the hands of my Lord and Savior.  I gave Him the whole thing.  I gave up control of my will, my heart, my plans and I let Him lead me.  He used me in ways that I never dreamed possible.  He healed places in my heart that were raw and hurting.  He convicted me of sins I had committed and things I had done wrong.  He turned my heart towards Home and it was amazing to see His beauty.

A big lesson I learned this summer was how to slow down and be thankful in so many of the little things that I tend to take for granted.  I learned how to sit in His presence and just listen instead of talk all of the time.  I allowed that God-shaped hole that I had been filling with everything else to finally be completely filled to overflowing with Him so that I could extend His grace and mercy and love to those around me.  I took the time to dive hardcore into His Word and really study and understand what He was speaking to me through it.

And since I have been home from camp, I have been letting go of the stress I am starting to feel here.  I trust in His perfect timing.  I trust in His plan for my employment, my finances, my relationships, and His design for the one I will marry someday.

That last part is a bit more difficult as society makes me feel like I am going to forever be a spinster who has thirty cats and sits at home on a Friday night watching reruns of Golden Girls.  It baffles people that I am not out there dating away with the first cute boy that comes along and shows me attention,  It shocks people to find out that I am 33-years old and have never really been on a date.  They think there is something wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with me.  I am beautiful.  I am precious.  I am worth waiting for.  Why?  Because God tells me that, and He wants what is best for me.  I am not just going to settle for the first guy that comes along and makes me feel somewhat special.  The man I intend on marrying someday will love God more than he will love me.  His relationship with Christ will be more important than his relationship with me.  He will be the spiritual leader in our household.  He will be who God has been preparing me for.  He will be worth waiting for.  He will first be my friend, my best friend.  Someone that I know I can trust to lead me and our family and to love us as Christ loves His church.

Someday.

Is it hard?  Of course.  I don't like being alone.  I don't like being the odd one out at every wedding I am invited to or dread Valentine's Day rolling around.  However, someday it will be my wedding and I will meet him at the altar.  I will look at him, he will look at me and we will both know that it was absolutely worth the struggle to get to that moment.  He will tell me I am beautiful.  He will look at me with God's eyes, see my heart and I will be completely smitten.

It is worth waiting for that forever kind of love.

In the in between time, I will seek Him and run after Him with everything I have.  God has my heart first and foremost.  I will serve Him in whatever capacity He has planned out for me.  I am His.  And I pray, someday, I will be a Godly wife and a mother and that we will serve our Lord together.

God's timing says not yet.  I am good with that.  Why would I ever want to go against God's perfect timing?

God is good.  If you haven't met Him yet, you should.  He will blow your mind.  He will shatter every expectation and take your breath away.  He is magnificent, beautiful, and absolutely amazing.  You should get to know Him.

Okay, enough update.  I need some sleep.  And I need to get off of my pedestal.  Goodnight, friends.  God bless you all.