Well, we are 2 hours and 19 minutes into the new year. I am still awake. I have some stuff buzzing through my mind, so I thought maybe if I get it out of my head and put it somewhere, then I can go to sleep.
I was blessed to ring in the new year with some great people this evening. We played games and laughed and really enjoyed each other's company. We talked about the new year and the possibilities it could hold. We talked about life and how crazy it can be sometimes. We talked. I felt a little out of place. A little off.
The time crept a little closer to midnight. The last remaining minutes of a crazy, stressful, painful, busy year started winding down and all the hope for a brand new year started to build. But the most significant part of this evening wasn't the ball dropping, or the countdown, or even that I was surrounded by people that I care about.
As we counted down, I said a silent prayer, thanking God for all that He had blessed me with. I thanked Him for the struggles and the triumphs, the joy and the pain. I thanked Him for the many wonderful moments to be with friends and family and I praised Him that He brought me through another year.
I also laid one more thing at His feet.
"God, You know who he is. You know my heart can't be there anymore. Let me let him go."
Funny enough, as I prayed it, a door closed somewhere. Literally. I heard a door from somewhere in the house shut. And I knew. Something in me was....different. Like I had finally been set free from my captive heart. It felt like the chains of all of the emotion and turmoil and doubt were loosened and I was free...finally...to wiggle free of them, lay them down, and walk confidently into a future that only He can see. I feel like I could finally breathe out from under the weight of where and who I had let my heart go to.
I finally felt peace in an area I have struggled in for the better part of two years and all was right in my world again because God made it so.
A pretty stellar moment if you ask me.
So here's to 2013. Here's to all of the hope and possibility that a new year holds, no matter where that takes me, who I meet along the way, or what adventures God has planned.
I am ready. All of me is ready.
