I have a few things just floating around in my head, so I am just going to jump right in. Ready? Here we go.
So there is this guy that I have liked for a while. Is it pathetic and sad that today I FINALLY got the hint that there is never really ever going to be a chance that he will EVER consider me? Like, ever? I'm not "one of the good ones" because, apparently, "they've all been taken".
Really? All the good ones are taken? I hate this line. I hate that people use it. I listen to the guys around me talk sometimes. I hear the things they say about women. It grieves my soul to hear those things. I hear the things that the women I know say about the guys (and probably stuff I have said myself to be honest). That grieves me as well.
Shouldn't we want to seek out Godly qualities in someone first before basing whether or not they are dateable by their looks?
It's not just the guys that do it. We girls do it, too. We base some of our qualifications on looks as well. But that's not what drew me to this guy. His personality is awesome and he has a sincere heart for Christ. Yeah, looks are fine, but if you want to draw me in you had better know Jesus. You had better have a relationship with Him and you had better love Him because I am not just looking for a casual dating situation. I am looking for a Christ-centered, God honoring relationship that would someday turn into a Christ-centered, God honoring marriage. A marriage with integrity.
We talk about integrity and throw the word around like we are Christian scholars, but how often do we actually show it in our own lives? Guys, when you talk about a women's appearance, whether in a positive or negative way, does that show integrity? Are you honoring her with the words you use to describe her or the way you look at her? Women, when you wear something that's a little too tight, too short, or too low, are you showing integrity? Ladies, these are our brothers in Christ. That clothing is going to cause them to stumble. Men, your words towards a woman are going to affect her whether you realize it or not. For real. All of that flirting you do that leads a woman on will eventually just break her heart and confuse her if you aren't serious about pursuing a relationship with her.
I really let my heart get wrapped up this time. I really let my emotions take over my common sense and it broke my heart. I think I hung on to it for so long because I thought there maybe was a little hope. I was so wrong. Oh, so very wrong. And I allowed the situation to tell me that I wasn't good enough for him because I wasn't thin and gorgeous. That was wrong, too. I am beautiful because God says that I am, not because of another person's opinion.
It is not the end of the world.
I have to believe that there is a guy out there who is going to think I am beautiful. Who is going to love Christ more than me, but also cherish me as Christ loves and cherishes His church. I have to believe that is out there for me somewhere.
I don't think he knows how much I cared for him. I don't know if he would care if he knew. And honestly, it is probably better off that way. I let my emotions get the best of me and I let my heart get wrapped up in it. It's time to put an end to that vicious cycle. He is my brother in Christ and I will still treat him with respect. I will pray for him and all of the men in my life that they would walk this life out with integrity. I pray that for all of my friends. That the world would see that relationships aren't one night stands and booty calls. That relationships are meant to be taken seriously. That God is meant to be honored through them. That we can have integrity thinking in an image obsessed, self-centered, instant gratification world. That men really do treat women as a precious daughter of the King and not an object. That women do respect men as the spiritual leader. That relationships and marriages can last without sex being used as a bargaining chip. That there is more to someone than just what the outside presents.
We are called to be salt and light, and darn it, we need to start living like it. ESPECIALLY in this particular area of life.
One day, I will find that guy. You know, the one God has for me. Until then, I will glorify God with this singleness that I am "blessed" with (it really is a blessing, it just doesn't feel like it today).
Friends, will you walk this out with me? Will you take a stand for integrity? I think the world is crying out for it, they just don't know it yet.
Okay, that is enough for tonight. I am done. I have orange spray paint in my hair. I need to remove it. Goodnight, friends.
