Provision and Thankfulness

I am thankful this morning for God's provision
And ultimately for His decision
To die for what I have done

And what I continue to do with this life
Full of so much anger and strife
Living in my God's patient shadow

He's pushing me through a painful past
Through friendships and relationships that didn't last
And daily proves His faithfulness

One by one I sift through and let go
Of people and places that once I called home
And remember that I am not home yet

So apologies to those left behind
God's Will is so much stronger than mine
And I can't deny His voice when I hear it

He prodded me to move forward on this road
Shaky steps and uncertainty about where it goes
I travel with the only traveling buddy I want to be with

Thank You God for these many aches and trials
And for taking me back after denial
'Cause You knew I would deny You

You knew I would turn my back and try to run
But You promised that a started work would be done
In me because of You

For broken relationships and broken hearts
I know it was worth it to be considered a part
Of the body of Christ

And even if answers are never clear
Loneliness finds me as You draw near
And I'm not alone anymore

Thank You for never leaving nor forsaking
and I pray this life I have I am making
A living sacrifice for One who loves me

But living sacrifices can crawl off the alter
So Father, please forgive me when I falter
Catch me steadfast in Your loving embrace

The past is gone and wiped clean as snow
And I am thankful that this knowledge I know
You forever are God

The end.

The Distance From Here To Your Lifeboat

I always thought as I was growing up that I would be a teacher or someone of importance that people could look up to, a role model.

As I passed through high school and the threat of college loomed in the distance, my thoughts turned away from teaching and towards writing. Perhaps I could make my mark in the world and write something that has never been written before. Make a difference with words instead of being a preachy teacher.

College days hit, and after changing the major a few times I settled on this writing gig. It wasn't all milk and honey like I thought it would be. It wasn't easy and it sure didn't impress the masses when I wrote something they didn't like or agree with.

Seems that writing about God isn't real popular with the college scene.

Post college came and with that a barrage of pointless, dead end, go nowhere jobs. One useless position after another found its way to my door, and I always took it (a writer can't live on paper alone). I dropped the writing thing for a while (two years to be exact). Thought it really didn't make a difference what I wrote. There always seemed to be someone better, more talented, more popular with the people. I thought my boat was sinking, so I bailed.

Although I left writing, writing never left me. That's the funny thing about the talents God gives us. I might abandon them like I sinking ship, but He's always got that life preserver out there ready to haul me back to it. And I realized the boat was never really sinking in the first place. It was merely listing to one side because my doubts and fears were weighing it down.

It's amazing how much that baggage we carry around weighs.

It's a good thing we have a Savior that walks on those waves to the S.S. Lifeboat and saves the day. Otherwise there would be a lot fewer people who would use what God gave them with the passion that they need to have for it.

I needed to pull anchor and drop some baggage as I journeyed on. I needed to realize that the distance between me and my Lifeboat was just an arms length away and available whenever I needed it.

One by one the baggage kerplunked into the deep and made its way to the abyss, never to be thought of again. Doubt? Lifted. Fear? Gone. Rejection? Hard to get rid of, but God's working on that one, too.

Eventually, the boat leveled out (I was getting sick of sitting off-kilter). All of the things that once dominated me were on the ocean floor. I sit now in a sturdy boat on a peaceful water watching brilliant skies. There's always a storm brewing to rock the boat, but the peace that surpasses all understanding is constantly with me in my little wooden craft. And one seat in my boat remains open always for the One who captains all my voyages.

Sure, there's always going to be someone better. Someone more gifted. Someone all the people love. But you know what? That's okay. God didn't create me in their image, He made me in His. I reflect just a small portion of what His almighty power can do. I am just one of a multi-faceted community of people, each with hearts for different things, and talents to go along with them. We are known as the body of Christ.

I am exactly where He wants me. Sometimes He asks me to throw my anchor and we sit and bob in the middle of the ocean for a while. Waiting. Learning. Teaching. Messing up. Sinning. Forgiving. Loving. And then I pull anchor and we drift to a new part. Something not explored but comfortably familiar. "Hey, Lori, remember that writing you gave up....."

So I am writing again. And it's a process like everything else. But instead of fear that people won't like it, it's replaced by confidence that I am doing exactly what I was created for.

Instead of rejection from others, I am accepted by Jesus Christ, the only One that matters.

Instead of doubting myself and my abilities, I have the Almighty coaching me on the sidelines and cheering my every breakthrough and success. God's the best cheerleader a girl could have.

So, what's the distance from here to your lifeboat? From your dreams? Your talents? And what's holding you back? Well, I got some good news for you. There's a boat with your name on it, and a Savior waiting to answer those very questions. So, hop on in, pull anchor and let the calming waters take you to a place of discovery. And bring your baggage. It's better on the bottom of the ocean floor than trapped up in your spirit. God's waiting and here's the invitation. Happy sailing.

A Bit O' Nothing

So I got nothing today
Nothing to write, nothing to say
Which is odd for me in many ways
So today is just a day like any other day

Lots of things are buzzin' 'round my brain
So much so it's impossible to tame
Craziness is the name of this game
But really, if you look at it, what's in a name?

I know a Name that means everything to me
I used to be blind, but that Name made me see
My shortcomings and irresponsibilities
And that Name loved me so much that it hung from a tree

And that Name I speak with on a day to day basis
'Cause I know that Name finds me in a sea of faces
When I am lost, He sees my out-of-placeness
And draws me to a place where His grace is

For me, no other Name will do
And as I ramble on I know that's true
That Name transformed my entire view
And saturated my heart with undeniable Truth

And the Name? Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord
'Cause He created me so I could worship and adore
My sins He hung on a Cross and bore
So I could be with Him forever more

So I got nothing today
Nothing to write, nothing to say
Except for that I am livin' eternally today
'Cause God stole my old life and a new one He gave

And that's way more valuable than the nothing I could think of